At Fault

Lyrics

My friendships have never been filled with drama or confusion, Since I shut out those I disliked and guarded those I did. But it seems like suddenly this is changing, As I am not the one giving advice but the one in need of it. My friends were always the ones who felt, Whose souls were like kindling for that delicate spark. I would simply wait on the sidelines, Judging and advising without any conflicting sentiment. Yet I can't ask for advice without risking too much, But I don't even know what I'm risking. All I know is that telling someone would help briefly, But I don't know if I can trust anyone with that knowledge. Telling others never really helped but I don't know what will, I don't know what to expect or even what I want when I speak. Am I speaking to simply tell stories of my friend, Or to confess my confusion over our situation? I don't know, and this is where I am at fault. We are closer than Phobos and Mars, But knowing me we'll end the same way. Yet you're one of the only ones who would know what that means, As a result of our many months learning and sharing together. And to think that our friend went behind your back, Sending me that screenshot of how you poured your heart out. To think that she didn't regard how you asked for secrecy, And that I cried after reading it with a hail of emotions. Your spark burned so bright and I never guessed it, Too caught up in our laughter to suppose that it went deeper. And through our late nights of chatter and conversation, I don't know if I was wrong to miss it. But yes, I feel that deep inside there is a spark alike burning, Just like when Nidria said "you're not the only one." But my hands are not strong enough to wield a spark with ease, And while I can write about it I've never handled it myself. I don't know, and this is where I am at fault. I've only told a few in moments of pressure, And I've regretted it so soon. Even those who ask me if there's a spark inside of me, I try to deny everything because I don't want them to know. But the true culprit of these wishy-washy denials, I happen to know personally as my own fear. I'm too afraid to let others know how I feel about him, Since it has been my aim to stay out of attention's grasp. And even in those rare moments when I am confident, My anxiety can't help but discourage me further. If I imagine progress, I wonder how I will trip up the next step, And I am too afraid to say the words. For once, I am not the one who is certain of their feelings, I am the stupid one who mucks up what could be an elation. I want to tell him but I'm so unsure of my own self, Torn between telling my sound friend and waiting in anxious agony. I don't know, and this is where I am at fault.