Announcement of Planet Nine

Lyrics

No one really seemed happy to be there. Everyone had wanted to go home and continue what they were doing, but Earth had called them to the conference room with a "code red" urgency, whatever that meant.       Mars seemed especially unhappy to be there, more than usual. He sat there, gloomily drumming his fingers on the table and glowering at everyone. Sometimes, Venus would return his glare to spite him, and on more than one occasion he would catch Neptune giving him a squinty, infuriating glare as she mimicked him, which only seemed to make his frown deeper.       Everyone seemed to be waiting patiently, but looks of frustration often crossed their faces. Uranus was reading with a small frown, Jupiter's fingers were moving in a complex keyboard melody, one of the ways he showed his impatience, and Neptune was simply laying her head on the table.       "Ten minutes," Saturn reported from the watch on her wrist.       "She's always late," Mars grumbled.       Mercury was the only one who didn't seem bothered by her late appearance; she was engrossed in the letter she was writing. Once the doors were blown open she stuffed them away.       "I have news that will blow your mind and scatter it to the edges of the universe!" She exclaimed. Her hair was messier than usual, and she had pencil shades on the sides of her hand.       "Well, get on with it," Mars snapped.       Earth cast him a half-disdained, half-smirk glance and held a manila folder high in the air. When there was still no response, she flung it onto the table with a lightning SMACK! and it slid all the way down to Uranus's seat.       He picked it up delicately and read the front. "Planet Nine?"       Neptune snatched it from his hands, flipping through it and smiling. "With all due respect, Earth, but what nonsense is this?"       Earth flew down the aisle and grabbed the folder back. "It's not nonsense!" She retorted, rearranging the papers. "I think I found another planet in our system."       There was a moment of stunned silence. Venus gave a loud snicker but was quickly shushed by Mercury.       Jupiter cleared his throat. "Um, is that it?"       "Another dwarf?" Mercury asked.       "No! A real planet!" Earth exclaimed. "There's no direct evidence, but I figured that with the orbits of the--"       "Cut to the chase," said Mars.       "The orbit of the KBOs are affected by Planet Nine--"       Neptune laughed. "Planet Nine? That's what you came up with?"       "I can't be sure what his or her name is until we're sure he or she is real!" Earth snapped. "Now can I PLEASE continue?"       After no objections, Earth said, "Fantastic, thank you. I calculated that his or her nearest place in his or her orbit is very, very far, so it would take a long time to reach it. I have some telescopes looking for him or her, but most don't have that kind of range."       "You're sure he or she is a planet?" Uranus asked mildly.       "Yes!"       "What would happen if, say, their existence was confirmed?" Mercury asked quietly.       "Obviously, he or she would join the council and increase our numbers from eight to nine."       "Again," Neptune muttered.       "Don't rush me," said Earth, "It'll be a long time until I confirm his or her existence. In the meantime, just carry on."       "Can we leave now?" Venus asked.       "Yes. Dismissed." Earth said. She looked a bit somber, probably upset with the seemingly apathetic attitude of everyone. She walked out as everyone got ready to leave.       "I could care less, honestly," Mars said once the doors shut.       "Why?" Asked Mercury.       "How does this even effect us? It's not some kind of breakthrough or something."       "Don't be that way," Saturn said gently. "Everyone matters, big or small, and you can't dismiss their existence. Who knows? Maybe they enjoy camping too."       Mars shrugged and looked away.       "I don't know about you guys," Neptune interrupted, "but I'm going home. See you whenever."