Saturday Night

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Oh dear! What can the matter be? Eight o'clock at night on a Saturday Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby Coming to town double quick [Verse 2] They rendezvous in front of a pillar Tracey's tall like Jonathan Miller Nicola's more like Guy the Gorilla If Guy the Gorilla were thick [Verse 3] Their hair's been done. It's very expensive Their use of mousse and gel is extensive As weapons, their heads would be classed as offensive And put under some kind of a ban [Verse 4] Thеy're covered in pеrfumes, but these are misnomers Nicola's scent could send dogs into comas Tracey's kills insects and dustbin aromas And also gets stains off the pan [Chorus 1] But it's their night out It's what it's all about Looking for lads, looking for fun A burger and chips with a sesame bun They're in the mood For a fabulous interlude Of living it up, painting the town Drinking Bacardi and keeping it down But it's all alright It's what they do of a Saturday night [Verse 5] Oh dear! What can the matter be? What can than terrible crunching and clatter be? Cowboy boots of Nicola Battersby Leading the way into town [Verse 6] They hit the pub, and Tracey's demeanor Reminds you of a loopy hyena They have sixteen gins and a rum and Ribena And this is before they've sat down [Verse 7] They dare a bloke from Surrey called Murray To phone the police and order a curry He gets locked up. It's a bit of a worry They won't have to see him again [Verse 8] They're dressed to kill and looking fantastic Tracey's gone for rubber and plastic Nicola's dress is a piece of elastic It's under a heck of a strain [Chorus 2] But it's their night out It's what it's all about Ordering drinks, ordering cabs Making rude gestures with doner kebabs They're in the mood For a fabulous interlude Of weeing in parks, treading on plants Getting their dresses caught up in their pants And it's all alright It's what they do of a Saturday night [Verse 9] Oh dear! What can the matter be? What can that terrible slurping and splatter be? Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby Snogging with Derek and Kurt [Verse 10] They're well stuck into heavyish petting It's far too dark to see what you're getting Tracey's bra flies off, how upsetting And several people are hurt [Bridge] Oh dear, oh dear Oh dear, oh dear [Verse 11] Oh dear! What can the matter be? What can that moth-eaten pile of old tatters be? Tracey Clegg and Nicola Battersby Getting chucked off the last Ninety-Two [Verse 12] With miles to go and no chance of hitching And Nicola's boots have bust at the stitching Tracey laughs and says, "What's the point bitchin'? I couldn't give a bugger. Could you?"