Ballad of Freda & Barry (Let’s Do It)

Lyrics

[Intro] Freda and Barry sat one night The sky was clear, the stars were bright The wind was soft The moon was up Freda drained her cocoa cup She licked her lips, she felt sublime She switched off Gardener's Question Time Barry Cringed in fear and dread As Freda grabbed his tie and said: [Verse 1] Let's do it, let's do it, do it while the mood is right I'm feeling Appealing I've really got an appetite I'm on fire With desire I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir Let's do it, let's do it tonight [Verse 2] But he said: I can't do it, I can't do it I don't believe in too much sex This fashion For passion Turns us into nervous wrecks No derision My decision: I'd rather watch the Spinners on the television I can't do it, I can't do it tonight [Verse 3] So she said: Let's do it, let's do it Do it till our hearts go boom Go native Creative Living in the living room This folly Is jolly Bend me backwards on me hostess trolley Let's do it, let's do it tonight [Verse 4] But he said: I can't do it, I can't do it My heavy-breathing days have gone I'm older Feel colder It's other things that turn me on I'm imploring I'm boring Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring I can't do it, I can't do it tonight [Verse 5] So she said: Let's do it, let's do it Have a crazy night of love I'll strip bare I'll just wear Stilettos and an oven glove Don't starve a girl of a palaver Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava Let's do it, let's do it tonight [Verse 6] I can't do it, I can't do it I know I'll only get it wrong Don't angle For me to dangle My arms have never been that strong Stop pouting Stop shouting You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting I can't do it, I can't do it tonight [Verse 7] Let's do it, let's do it Share a night of wild romance! Frenetic Poetic This could be your last big chance To quote Milton To eat Stilton To roll in gay abandon on the Tufted Wilton Let's do it, let's do it tonight! [Verse 8] I can't do it, I can't do it I've got other little jobs on hand Don't grouse Around the house I've got a busy evening planned Stop nagging I'm flagging You know as well as i do that the pipes want lagging I can't do it, I can't do it tonight [Verse 9] Let's do it, let's do it While I'm really in the mood Three cheers It's years Since I caught you even semi-nude Get drastic Gymnastic Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic but Let's do it, Let's do it tonight [Verse 10] I can't do it, I can't do it I must refuse to get undressed I feel silly It's too chilly To go without my thermal vest Don't choose me Don't use me My mother sent a note to say you must excuse me I can't do it, I can't do it tonight [Verse 11] Let's do it, let's do it I really absolutely must I won't exempt you Want to temp you Want to drive you mad with lust No cautions Just contortions Smear an avocado on me lower portions Let's do it, let's do it tonight! [Verse 12] I can't do it, I can't do it It's really not my cup of tea I'm harassed Embarrassed I wish you hadn't picked on me No dramas Give me my pajamas The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers I can't do it, can't do it tonight [Verse 13] Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to run amok Let's wiggle Let's jiggle Let's really make the rafters rock Be mighty Be flighty Come and melt the buttons on me flame-proof nightie Let's do it, let's do it tonight! [Verse 14] Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to rant and rave Let's go 'Cos I know Just how you want to behave Not bleakly Not meekly Beat me on the bottom with the 'Woman's Weekly' Let's do it, let's do it tonight