Lyrics

I met this woman and I really liked her as soon as I met her. All I could think of was, "I wonder if there was such a thing as the opposite of a restraining order." I liked her 'cause she wasn't normal. She liked to dance really fast to very slow music. Which I found very erotic, due to a head injury as a small boy. I was playing jacks way too fast Her eyes were a little bit too close together like the headlights on a Jeep. I used to call her A.C. - Almost Cyclops In her spare time, she liked to waste time She was a mail order bridesmaid She would drink so much, she would slur her pauses She lived in a beautiful house. It had cathedral floors. You'd walk in, you'd just fall right down into the middle We went out for about six months. Then, she left. She went back to school in Seattle. She was studying, uh, forensic astronomy She wrote me this beautiful letter and I read it and at the bottom, I crossed her name off and wrote my own name and I sent it back to her. And I never heard from her ever again. Apparently, she didn't like what she wrote --- The reason I'm so laid back is 'cause in high school, I smoked a lot of Ritalin My problem is I was reincarnated without ever having been alive the first time My nephew has HDADD - High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention but when he does, it's unbelievably clear I saw an advertisement for some invisible fences. I thought, "That'll be perfect for my invisible dogs." I live in Massachusetts. I didn't shovel a driveway once this past winter since I bought the flamethrower You know, the Earth is bipolar So I've been emailing my answering machine, which has been sending faxes to my cellular subconscious, which has call waiting so in case I'm thinking about something else, I can get back to myself later It's out of control now, don't you think? I heard soon they're gonna have digital numbers My dog has a website. All it is is naked cats