Lyrics

Today, I was- No, that wasn't me. --- Yesterday, I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but just for a second. --- I found the way to the eye doctor. I got contacts, but I only need them when I read, so I got flip-ups. I keep them on my desk right next to my typewriter. I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil. --- Under my bed, I have a shoebox full of telephone rings and whenever I get lonely, I open it up just a little bit and I gеt a call. One time, I dropped thе box all over the floor and the phone wouldn't stop ringing, so I had to have it disconnected. I got another phone, though I didn't have much money, so I had to get an irregular phone. It had no 5 on it. I was walking down the street and I bumped into a good friend of mine and he said, "How come you never call me anymore?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My phone has no 5 on it." He said, "That's really weird." He said, "How long have you had it?" And I said, "I don't know. My calendar has no 7's." --- I got up the other day and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. Couldn't believe it. I called my friend and I said, "Come here. Look at this stuff! It's all an exact replica. What do you think?" He said, "Do I know you?" --- It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. --- Just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. Flew across the room. --- I've been doing a lot of painting lately. Abstract painting. Extremely abstract. No brush, no canvas. I just think about it. --- One time, I went to a museum where all the work in the museum was done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators. --- I also went to a museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. --- I left there and I was walking down the street. I saw a man who had wooden legs and real feet. He asked me if I knew what time it is and I said, "Yes, but not right now." --- I like my dental hygienist. I think she's very pretty. So whenever I go to have my teeth cleaned, while I'm in the waiting room, I eat an entire box of Oreo cookies. Sometimes, they have to cancel all the rest of the appointments.