Cross Country

Album cover art for "Cross Country" by Steven Wright

Steven Wright - Non-Music, Comedy

Cross Country

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Duration: 2:15

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The Stones. I love the Stones. I can't believe they're still doing it after all these years. I watch 'em whenever I can. Fred and Barney. Last summer, I drove cross-country with a friend of mine. We split the driving. We switched every half-mile. The whole way across, we only had one cassette tape to listen to... but I can't remember what it was. We were in Salina, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded maybe. And for absolutely no reason, we went to Canada. I was feeling good. I had just received my degree in calcium anthropology - the study of milkmen. When we were driving over the border back into the United States, they asked me if I had any firearms. I said, "What do you need?" I was traveling with my friend George. Some people think George is weird 'cause he has sideburns behind his ears. I think he's weird 'cause he has false teeth but he has braces on them. George is a radio announcer and when he walks under a bridge, you can't hear him talk. When I first moved into my house, there was a switch on the wall that didn't control any lights or anything. I'd just flick it up and down every once in a while. Then, about a month later, I got a letter from a woman in Germany saying, "Cut it out."

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