Ants

Lyrics

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it and it said, "Day 1: Still tired from the move." "Day 2: Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot." I remember turning from one years old to two years old and I was real upset 'cause I figured in one year, my age doubled. "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six, I'll be 90." It was my birthday recently. For my birthday, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put 'em in the same room and let 'em fight it out. Then, I filled my humidifier with wax. Now, my room's all shiny. [long silence] Right now, I'm having amnesia and d�j� vu at the same time. Friend of mine named Dennis. His parents are midgets. But he's not a midget. He's a midget dwarf. He's this big. He's the guy who poses for trophies I used to work for the factory where they made hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place I used to be a proofreader for a sky-writing company I'm entering the strangest sweepstakes. It's a contest, you pay 50� and you get a little card that has a number on it. Then, you go up to any stranger and you scratch a penny on his head. If the number under there matches the number you have... you win $100. I won twice. I was beat up 11 times I'm saving the money, though, 'cause I'm planning a trip to Spain, so I bought an album that teaches you the language. Put the album on, you put headphones on, you learn the language while you're sleeping. During the night, the record skipped. I get up the next day, I could only stutter in Spanish When I go flying, I'm flying Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a combination one-way round-trip ticket. You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. That way, you still have the weekend I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your Honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?" Then, I asked him if he knew what time it is and he told me and I said, "No further questions." I'm going to court next week. I've been selected for jury duty. It's kind of an insane case. 6,000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a Chinese restaurant. I don't think they did it. I know a few of 'em and they wouldn't do anything like that