Middle Aged Punchbag

Lyrics

You know what's heaven to me Is a nice cup of tea Not too much milk And a big, comfy chair And some loose underwear Perhaps in silk I think of grilling some kippers So I put on my slippers In the kitchen I bemoan the lack of storage Which reminds me now I need a bigger mortgage 'Cause now I'm semi-detached from you I am a middle aged punchbag Lonely since your departure And as I griddle my brunch I listen to The Archers For comfort I eat lentils and rice It's not very nice But it helps me poo I recycle my glass It's a pain in the ass And so are you Like a chair from IKEA You are merely veneer And although I have a topped-up mini icer Now it seems you find another icer nicer I'm losing interest in you You are a middle aged slagbag Skulking 'round all bar one You coyly twiddle your handbag, hoping to have some fun With bankers Wankers That's not where this story ends I'm persuaded by friends To try a date They tell me not to despair I've still got all my own hair It's not too late Though the restaurant is rowdy She looks pleasantly dowdy Over lunch she tells me she belongs to Mensa And I noticed that she shops at Marks & Spencer Well that's good enough for me I am a middle aged punchbag I live in queue I have a middle aged hunch that You're a punchbag too You say you're really a fat hat That's cool with me At home, I show you my porn mag Anal Thumper 3 Or 4 Or more