Divorce Song

Lyrics

Today, the two of you are beautiful May you be forever dutiful Look at you standing hand-in-hand as you walk into the light When will you understand that life's a bag of shite So make the most of today 'Cause it's downhill from tomorrow Good luck feeling way your way Along that precipice of sorrow Though I wish you both well Frankly, marriage is hell So save some rows Rewrite your vows And say from the heart: "I love you, until divorce do us part." Each week, you'll hear from her solicitor His threats getting evermore explicit-er The woman you cling to now will turn out to be a crook Holding you ransom with those naked snaps she took She will grow a mustache And she'll take you to the cleaner's She'll get her hands on your cash Instead of on your penis And when your sex life is naught You can still screw her in court So slash her tires, start from fires You should've said at the start: "I love you, until divorce do us part." Who gets custody of the car? Who gets to keep my old guitar? Who gets the house, the kids, the cat? Who has to move into a flat? With damp on the walls, and a couple upstairs Who argue all night, and then fuck You will soon become numb To the jives that once incensed you As she poisons your mum And turns the kids against you So when you're left on your own You should just pick up the phone And call that crapulous tart And whisper: "Until death do us part."