At The Mall

Lyrics

[Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 1: Jon Ginoli] At the mall is where I want to be A place where they have everything I need I love the way their fountains always pour And the way that they get trees to grow indoors [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 2: Chris Freeman] You could see a movie right next door Where there used to be one screen, now there's twenty-four No X-rated, NC-17 (Aw, so boring!) The mall is nothing if not safe and clean [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 3: Patrick Goodwin] At the mall, there's no gay bars or porn A place where polyester's often worn I hope I find an easy parking spot Or I might be forced to walk two blocks [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Interlude] [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 4: Jon Ginoli] Teenage girls hang out and look for males When they get bored, they head in for the sales Power walkers get their exercise And diet pills to shrink their thunder thighs [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 5: Chris Freeman] At the mall, they don't sell drugs or booze (What fun do they have?) But there's fifty different places to buy shoes My Walkman plays the CDs that I bought 'Cause anything I want, Sam Goody's got [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 6: Luis Illades] The clerks inside the mall are rather rude Retail queens with major attitude If I'm broke, I won't take it too hard 'Cause I'm a smart shopper with five (Five!) credit cards (I'm a shoplifter) [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Bridge: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, (Ah-ooh) ah-ooh (Ah-ooh) At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, (Ah-ooh), ah-ooh [Interlude] Attention shoppers! 'Sup, boys? So what do you guys wanna do tonight? Dude, do you wanna crash the mall? Nice! Okay! [Unintelligible] [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 7: Jon Ginoli] At the mall, it's never hot or cold 24-hour complete climate control Escalators move from floor to floor I ride them all day long and don't get bored ('Cause I just love it at the mall so much!) [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 8: Chris Freeman] When I'm hungry, the mall is where I pick To eat the food at Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick Folks might say the mall is kind of bland (Bland land) But the food court has fast food from many lands (I cruise the bathrooms!) [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall! Ah-ooh, ooh, ah-ooh! [Verse 9: Patrick Goodwin] In the men's room, you'll find glory holes But be careful of the hairy trolls Free sex at the mall can be so rad One time, I sucked off my best friend's dad (That's right) (I cruise the bathrooms!) [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Instrumental] [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, (Sorry), ah-ooh [Verse 10: Jon Ginoli] At the mall, it's always safe at night Fluorescent lights forever burning bright It's so well-lit, I know I won't get robbed My dream is someday I'll get a job at... [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, (Ah-ooh!), ah-ooh (Ah-ooh, ah-ooh!) At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Verse 11: Luis Illades] Every town, as far as I can see A Starbucks on every corner built for me America is standing proud and tall (Woohoo!) 'Cause now the whole goddamn country is a mall [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh (Alright, sing along at home!) At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh [Instrumental] [Chorus: Jon Ginoli, Chris Freeman, Patrick Goodwin & Luis Illades, Jon Ginoli] At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh At the mall, at the mall, ah-ooh, ah-ooh, ah-ooh Ah-ooh, ah-ooh, ah-ooh, ah-ooh! Ah-ooh, ah-ooh, ah-ooh, ah-ooh! [Outro] Ow, ow, ow! (Oh my god) Ow, ow! (Jon! Jon!) Ow! (Jon!), ow, ow, (Jon!) ow! Jon! Jon! Oh, fuck what?! Jon! I think you're getting a little too excited! Now, knock it off! *Clapping* Wow, Patrick, that's fucking awesome Keep doing it, that's great Yeah, that's fucking awesome, yeah, keep it