Four-Letter Words

Lyrics

[Chorus] The four-letter words, the four-letter words That never say quite what you mean We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways Than as vulgar, impure and obscene [Verse 1] When nature is calling, plain speaking is out When ladies, Lord, love 'em, are milling about So, you may wee-wee, make water or green up the grass You may powder your nose, even Johnny may pass Shake the dew off the lily, see a man about a dog Or when everyone's soused, try condensing the fog But please do remember, if you would know bliss That only in Shakespeare do characters [Chorus] Four-letter words, the four-letter words That never say quite what you mean We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways Than as vulgar, impure and obscene [Verse 2] Now, a woman has bosoms, a bust or a breast Those lily-white swellings that bulge 'neath her vest They are towers of ivory, sheaves of new wheat In moments of passion, ripe apples to eat You may speak of her nipples as fingers of fire With hardly a question of raising her ire But by Rabbelais' beard, she will throw several fits If you speak of them roundly as good honest [Chorus] Four-letter words, the four-letter words That never say quite what you mean We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways Than as vulgar, impure and obscene [Verse 3] Though a lady oppose your advance, she'll be kind Just as long as you intimate what's on your mind You may tell her you're hungry, that you need to be swung You may ask her to see how your etchings are hung You may mention the ashes that need to be hauled Put a lid on the saucepan, even "lay" is not too bold But the moment you're forthright, be ready to duck For the girl isn't born yet who'll stand for "Let's" [Chorus] Four-letter words, the four-letter words That never say quite what you mean We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways Than as vulgar, impure and obscene [Verse 4] So let's banish those words that Elizabeth used When she was queen virgin and itched on her throne The modern maid's virtue is easily bruised On meeting the four-letter words all alone Let your morals be loose as an alderman's vest If your language be weaselling, vague and obscure Today not the act but the word is the test Of the vulgar, salacious, illegal, impure [Chorus] The four-letter words, the four-letter words That never say quite what you mean We'd rather be known for our hypocrite ways Than as vulgar, impure and obscene