Dancing Plague

Lyrics

CONTESTANTS: DANCING PLAGUE DANCING PLAGUE POST-MEDIEVAL RATS AND HILARIOUS FRENCH HATS AND ALSO CERTAIN DEATH (The commentators town cry.) (MO bends over with head in the stocks. Perpendicular angle.) SAMSON: Anon Noble Lords, Noble Ladies of Strasbourg! MO: Bourg bourg bourg bourg— SAMSON: How fairest thee all? (Collective groans/boos/hisses from the contestants/dancers.) JAYNIE: That means "good" in feudal French! CONTESTANTS: IF I WAS SIXTEEN IN 1518 I'D ALREADY BE HALF DEAD SO DANCE ME TO DEATH I'M READY (ELLIE & ZANDER are on a positive feedback loop of motion and Adrenaline.) ELLIE & ZANDER: THIS IS INCREDIBLE I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE ELLIE: I FEEL GOOD ZANDER: YOU FEEL GOOD? ELLIE: YES I DO ZANDER: SO DO I ELLIE: THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD JAYNIE: Historical Fact: In 1518, a mass hysteria swept Strasbourg, France MO: A dancing plague SAMSON: The Strasbourg Municipal Council did, for the sake of the common justice, make guildhalls so the afflicted souls might caper then to music! JAYNIE: And thus not suffer idly writhing awkwardly MO: Silently so silently silently SAMSON: If they by dance must march towards their demise, 'tis fitting to set their end to song JAYNIE: ATTEND as the afflicted in their adrenaline-addled madness dance their hearts out! SAMSON: Tis no crime to stare! MO: I would stare too CONTESTANTS: DANCING PLAGUE DANCING PLAGUE ELLIE & ZANDER: WHY DO THEY COMPLAIN THIS IS BETTER THAN COCAINE CONTESTANTS: DANCING TO OUR DEATH SAMSON: Poor abused Europe just stricken by the Plague of Bubonic JAYNIE: The Black Death SAMSON: Twas one rough "Dark Ages." JAYNIE: At least this plague has fewer rats (As the rats nibble at MO's feet.) MO: Fewer rats doesn't mean no rats! JAYNIE: Don't squirm CONTESTANTS: IF I WAS SIXTEEN IN 1518 I'D ALREADY BE HALF DEAD SO DANCE ME TO DEATH I'M READY GRACE: HOW DID YOU GET IT? TYE: I GOT IT FROM MY MOM FA LA LA LA LA HOW DID YOU GET IT? HARPER: I GOT IT FROM THE MEAT FA LA LA LA LA JANELLE: YOU LOOK SO SWEET WHEN YOU DANCE MEDIEVALLY FA LA LA LA LA HARPER: FA LA LA LA LA... Not here Janelle! JANELLE: Sorry SAMSON: Tis no crime to throw rotten vegetables! JAYNIE: Yet your aim must be precise and your arm quick, for those stricken by dance shall never Stop nor rest they in a single fixèd place SAMSON: Wherefore be it not right to throw rocks? DAKOTA: HOW DID YOU GET IT? JANELLE: MAYBE FROM A FRIEND OH MY GOD CYRUS DID I GET THIS FROM YOU? CYRUS: HOW DID YOU GET IT? ROYSHANNA: MAYBE FROM THE WEED FA LA LA LA LA DAKOTA, ROYSHANNA & NICKI: GIVE ME A PIE AND A FLAGON OF MEAD FA LA LA LA LA FA LA LA LA LA FA LA LA LA LA (SAMSON ducks a rotten tomato.) SAMSON: Soft you now, what was that? JAYNIE: A rotten tomato? SAMSON: Nay not at us. Tis not us whom you should catapult with rotten vegetables! JAYNIE: Tarry Nave! Cans't thou do no better than a rotten tomato?! MO: How about throwing a goose? A succulent goose! (SAMSON ducks a rock.) SAMSON: Was that a rock? ELLIE & ZANDER: THIS IS INCREDIBLE I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE MY BRAIN CHEMICALS ARE COOKING IN OVERDRIVE (SPRINT SIREN and strobe light) JAYNIE Hold fast, and hark! We entereth a sprint! ELLIE & ZANDER: KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING I'M USING LIKE 98% OF MY BRAIN KEEP GOING KEEP GOING GOING MY MIND IS UNSTUCK IN TIME CONTESTANTS: MY ARM HAS A MIND OF IT'S OWN MY LEG IS DOING THINGS I DON'T THINK A LEG SHOULD DO I KEEP TELLING MY HIPS TO STOP BUT THEY DON'T STOP THEY WON'T STOP I DON'T WANNA BE A ZOMBIE ZOMBIE I DON'T WANNA TEAR MYSELF APART WHAT IF THERE'S HAIR WHAT IF THERE'S BLOOD WHAT IF THERE'S ALL SORTS OF GOOEY STUFF I DON'T RECOGNIZE (ELLIE and ZANDER are dancing themselves nearly to heart attacks.) SAMSON: Why act they thus? JAYNIE: I understand not what they do... MO: Yeah what are they doing? No really – someone tell me - I can't see anything bent over at this angle CONTESTANTS: THEY'RE SPEEDING UP ELLIE & ZANDER: EXCELLENCE CONTESTANTS: THEY'RE GOING NUTS ELLIE & ZANDER: ACCELERATED CONTESTANTS: THEY'RE SPAZZING OUT THEY'RE BLACKING OUT ELLIE & ZANDER: ACCELERATED EXCELLENCE DJ: THE METAPHOR COULDN'T BE CLEARER! (DJ hits the AIR HORN.)