Algebra Song!

Lyrics

[ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken] I'll sing a song about karmic wrath How I lost my eye because I didn't know math! [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH] I was born in Nola but then we had to flee Police were searching everywhere for a fella named Daddy I'm the child of a con man and a saintly mama We fled for Chicago with nothin' but pajamas If you don't see how algebra will save your eye I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why If you don't see how algebra will save your eye Just keep listenin' and I'll tell you why By age 13, I was weary of school Thought doing your homework was the work of a fool Drop out in a flash and, abracadabra No more reading, no more algebra There's a high on the world and he wanted to join Throw the passion, fashion, cash an' coin If you have pocket change, shake shake shake [JOHN MULANEY, spoken] I have coins up on the dresser [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH] My principal was a hundred and four Folks said she was a witch, hair down to the floor (Wa doo) She cackled through a cigarette and said to me "Not knowing algebra will change the way that you see!" [JOHN MULANEY, spoken] I got the change! [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken] Too late! [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH] You're starting to see how algebra will save your eye It's clear as the sky, no need to clarify (No no no) But if you still don't see how algebra will save your eye Just keep listenin' and I'll tell you why (Whoa, whoa) [JOHN MULANEY, spoken] Hey there, tutor [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken] Yes, that's me [JOHN MULANEY, spoken] What's it like with only one eye to see? [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken] With only one eye, I can never look twice [JOHN MULANEY, spoken] But when you buy a pair of shades, they're always half-price! *laughs* [ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH, BOTH] I was out in the world, my school day's over (Were over) Working for a wealthy woman as her chauffeur (A chauffer) Her husband always traveled and she craved relations She didn't care that I didn't know equations 'Till the day the husband came lookin' for his wife (Wa ooh) With a jealous heart and an eye-poking knife (Wa ooh) Madam thought fast, she said, "Pretend you were Over in the house as a math tutor." The husband comes in, said, "I hear you know math." I'm as naked as a baby in a bath He wrote a problem and I got scared If B is three, what is AX squared I took my pencil from the man and did my best (Wa ooh) I drew a stick figure of a lady with breasts (Wa ooh) He was not amused, threw me 'gainst the wall And pointed his knife at my eyeball! But then the phone rang that was next to the bed [Children harmonize] The husband picked it up and found that Princess Di was dead And in the commotion Oh, the emotion I escaped with both eyes intact A ta, a ta, a twelve five nine So now you see that algebra will save your eye My story makes sense, on that you can rely. (No no no) You're not confused how algebra relates to my eye I solved for X (Solve for X) and now you better solve for Y Ba ba ba bada ba Ba ba bada ba Algebra song Vamp, vamp, vamp, vamp Vamp!