Drop the Mic w/ Ashton Kutcher

Lyrics

[Round 1: James Corden] I heard I was battling an A-list hunk But when I saw Ashton Kutcher, I knew I was getting Punk'd You haven't had a hit movie since 2002 You were so bad in Jobs, even Siri won't talk to you On That '70s Show, you're a stoner with jokes Which is ironic, 'cause tonight, you're the one who's gettin' smoked You do great charity work year after year Wanna save something from dying? Start with your career [Round 1: Ashton Kutcher] People came to see Peter Rabbit battle me But your battle's with your lady, her rabbit's outta batteries My career's been doin' fine ever since the '70s Your job's an Uber driver for real celebrities You were at the Royal Wedding, and that seems right Every wedding has a guest they didn't invite People see me at valet, they say, "Look, it's a star!" They see you at valet, they say, "Dude, where's my car?" [Round 2: James Corden] You made fun of Peter Rabbit and my work on Carpool I'm not taking that from the tool who made trucker hats cool Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve are movies you've fumbled You've ruined more holidays than a Trump-loving uncle You joined Two and a Half Men, but producers intervened It's the only time people thought, "Man, I miss Charlie Sheen" You invested all your money in technology and apps Hell, I'd do the same if I knew I couldn't act [Round 2: Ashton Kutcher] "If" you couldn't act, James, that's the test? Well, the results are in, then: it's time to invest Your jokes are like your suits: a stretch and a groan You look like a hard-boiled egg applying for a loan I hate to kick a man when he's down in a slump But I'm lookin' at the baby of Kim Jong-Un and Donald Trump And now you're off to London, is that a fact? Well, take some advice, James, and don't ever come back [Round 3: James Corden] Your IMDb is filled with movies that suck Forget straight-to-DVD, these are straight-to-garbage-trucks Your career since 2000's been totally depressing Your new show The Ranch has ruined my favorite dressing You were a '90s heartthrob, but nowadays that's a reach I'd rather work with Wilmer, and he's your show's Screech You married Mila Kunis, so I guess that's cool But why the hell is she still with the loser she dated in high school? [Round 3: Ashton Kutcher] Your favorite salad dressing? C'mon, dude, be real Ranch is your favorite beverage, skin cream, and meal Didn't like my Apple movie? I find that odd Judging from your track record, you'll take any Jobs You did Ocean's 8, that's worth mentionin' Prolly shoulda called it Oceans Ate Everything And before that, you did so many animated flicks That we haven't seen this face in a movie since you last saw your dick