Too Old For The Pit

Lyrics
I'm here to stand and tap my feet And nod politely to the beat Adjust my earplugs sip my drink and squirm While wistfully I gaze upon The circle where I once belonged Back when these kids were nothing more than sperm Too old for the pit Too old for the pit Too old for the pit Too old for the motherfucking pit the rules are well-defined I've got your back and you've got mine If I go down you'll help me catch my breath But nowadays if I should slip I'm worried I might break a hip And CIGNA doesn't cover walls of death Too old for the pit Too old for the pit Too old for the pit Too old for the motherfucking pit "Hey, so are you like, here with your kid or something?" "Well…I mean, yeah, but I've been a fan of this band for years. Their guitarist actually used to be in this hardcore band I used to see all the time in Western Massachusetts and…" "Yeah, yeah, poggers. So, can you buy me beer?" I'm 47 It fucking blows Cuz I still like new bands and going out to shows The breakdown hits me I prance around I feel my back crack I settle down I used to mosh and skank and slam And come home drenched in sweat at 2am But now at concerts I must admit My step count doesn't even rise on my Fitbit Rise on my Fitbit Rise on my Fitbit Too old for the pit I'm here to stand and tap my feet And nod politely to the beat Adjust my earplugs sip my drink and squirm I squint so to see the band that plays And reminisce about the days Back when these kids were nothing more than motherfucking sperm "And honestly, I had really hoped that the karate douches and the windmill assholes would've been bred out of the gene pool by now. If I ever meet Richard Dawkins, that's gonna be the second thing I ask him, right after I ask how wombats shitting cubes could possibly be a survival advantage."
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