Lyrics

[Verse 1] In 2003 I had a great idea for a song I took the tears and fights and sleepless nights And turned them into a synth-punk sing-along They say living well's the best revenge But I suspect they just don't know The joy of seeing a song about your ex Top the charts of the Dr. Demento show, yeah [Verse 2] I shook the hands of my brand-new fans Who shared my misery They thanked me for the perspective shift And sometimes bought a CD A three-minute time capsule of my pain But it's been buried for so long That I never think about hеr any more Even when I'm pеrforming that song, 'cause [Verse 3] I'm married to an awesome girl My hardcore potty-mouthed princess And the way she rocks my world Has totally fucked my prolificness Time is a bandage for all wounds And though there's scars beneath each patch How can I bleed onto the page When there's no scabs for me to scratch? [Chorus] Waiting for her to wise up and leave Then I can cry and sulk and grieve And maybe add a few more records to my meager discography 'Cause who the hell wants to hear a song About a couple who generally gets along? She's ruined me artistically 'Cause I'm fueled by angst, and I'm running on E [Verse 4] In 2010 I weighed over 300 pounds And half the fun of my live shows Was just watching me move my mass around I developed a unique choreography Of walking left to right then back And every jaw would drop with awe Every time I didn't have a heart attack [Verse 5] I'd bitch about my manboobs And I'd jiggle them for spite I'd shake the stage with my girth and rage Than thank you all for coming out tonight I'd gingerly replace the microphone And through the crowd I'd lurch To offend the nasal glands of the other bands And sweat all over my merch, yeah [Verse 6] The elephant in every room I learned when I was just a kid My shield was laughing at it first And louder than the bullies did But it turns out eating less food works And now I've lost a third of me And as I shrunk so did my target For self-deprecating comedy [Chorus] Waiting for old habits to resurrect Waiting for that familiar what-the-heck And restoration of the mountain that this molehill used to be My doctor loves my LDL But my muse is cursing me from hell No more lardass jokes for me 'Cause I'm fueled by angst, and I'm running on E [Bridge] I need a girl to rip out my heart again I need to burn my fat man bra I need pain and strife to ignite my life I need a holiday in Cambodia I want to burn my bridges, scorch the earth And bring about the end of days But I'm living too far from the fuse To ever set this world ablaze Aaaaaaaaa.... [Verse 7] I've got a kid, I've got a house I'm healthy, married, and employed Can't you feel my painlessness? Step back, I'm mildly annoyed! My music was a weapon once Each verse a pure destructive beam But from my bunker in suburbia No one can hear me scream [Verse 8] And so I'll pad out every show With songs that you already know Bitch along with my younger voice's Prerecorded harmony But as far as midlife crises go This is cheaper than a GTO And less work than therapy Though I'm fueled by angst, and I'm running on E