Lyrics

Dave Thomas MIA From CEO to DOA The pallbearers at his funeral say Their tears were not from grief Cuz years of burgers shakes and fries Had made his buttocks biggie-sized And now the tombstone where he lies Is carved with "Here's The Beef" "What will we do?" Shouts the whole Wendy's crue "He's in our commercials, he sells all our food "He was old and damned ugly, but we know it's true "On his face we have grown to rely" Advertising executives losing their grip But try to go on without Dave's leadership They create a new slogan that's modern and hip: "Wendy's: Eat Here And Die!" Colonel Sanders bit the dust Yet still his face looks down at us Up on a pole his cartooned bust Shines over KFC How'd he expect his heart to beat When all he ever had to eat Was breaded wads of greasy meat With biscuits and Pepsi "Kentucky Fried Chicken" had brought him such fame But when he stopped breathing they shortened the name As if even though they prepare it the same It's now healthy cuz they don't say "fry" But they say there's a restaurant in Akron Ohier Where the ghost of the Colonel rose up from a fryer And screamed "Eat my chicken you too shall expire!" "KFC: Eat Here And Die!" Every fast food franchise Has a trademarked guise Through which they filter lies From their corporate high-rise Every super-size may lead to your demise But at least you get a toy surprise! But when your icon dies How do you advertise The virtues of your fries And eggroll-shaped pies That fatten up the thighs And clog the arter-eyes 'Til your only function is to fertilize (Fertilize, fertilize) Mickey D's makes burgers fun To try to hook 'em while they're young Like dealers and the church have done Throughout our history A clown-led thought control campaign That's calculated to ingrain The need for nuggets in the brain But they're not fooling me How many Ronalds have come and then gone? Live as long as a goldfish and then they pass on They suit up another, the legend lives on And the kids all think it's the same guy Did all these actors think that it was sound To take a job as a disposable clown? 30 minutes of fame was their final countdown McDonald's: eat here and die Wendy's: eat here and die Everywhere you eat will make you die Woohoo!