Lyrics

[Verse 1] Wanted to have some quality time with my son So I brought him down to the fishing hole Didn't like the feeling of that worm in his hand Got mad, threw down his fishing pole I said "That's alright, son let's go and get an ice cream Let your old man buy you a treat." But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall Started crying and ran into the street [Hook 1] He's an asshole My kid's an asshole I swear, it just don't float my boat Always crying, always crying Made me want to punch him in his little throat [Verse 2] Called my lady up to tell her what had happened How our son had run away She said don't worry baby, I will talk to him And everything will be okay [Hook 2] My lady's an asshole She's an asshole Her assholishness is off the charts Always perfect, always perfect Made me want to punch her in her lady parts [Verse 3] I decided I'd go down to the bar And drown my sorrows in a beer The sign outside said closed for renovations We'll open up again next year [Hook 3] That bar is an asshole It's an asshole Oh, the worst bar in the land Always closing, always closing Can't punch a bar cause you'll hurt your hand [Verse 4] I went home to forget about my troubles Sat down in my favorite easy chair But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feeling As my hemroid began to flare [Hook 4] My asshole's an asshole A real butthole He should put his asshole self in check Always burning, always itching Makes me want to punch him in his asshole neck [Verse 5] Late one night, lying awake in bed A realization came Are there really asshole's everywhere I look Or am I the one to blame? Maybe I just do not say the things I should say And I don't do the things I ought So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror And this is what I thought: [Hook 5] The guy who sold me this mirror's an asshole He's an asshole, son of a bitch said it was antique He was lying, he was lying Made me want to punch him in his salesman cheek [Outro] I'm on a real asshole streak I could open up an asshole boutique I think this song has reached it's peak Goodbye, you assholes, see you next week