Songs from One Touch of Venus

Lyrics

[Part I: Vive la différence] [Verse 1] He takes a shower, then a hasty rub She spends an hour soaking in the tub Vive la différence [Verse 2] He leaves athletics to the middle class She leaves cosmetics on the shiny glass Vive la différence [Bridge] We both like music sincerely We both like porterhouse steaks We are not so different really But, oh, what a difference the diffеrence makes [Verse 3] Hе has a torso singularly pure Hers even more so, plurally allure Little variations have their compensations Vive la différence [Outro] He would take it grimly If she were his facsimile Vive la différence [Part II: One Touch of Venus] [Verse 4] Some girls have a touch of Venus It can help a girl a lot Why describe a touch of Venus? You either have it or not If you have a touch of Venus Men will all react the same [Chorus] With a little touch of Venus A little touch of Venus A lady can beat the game With a little touch of Venus One little touch of Venus A lady can beat the game [Verse 5] The world belongs to men and women The banks belong to men The world is just a green persimmon If you're an average hen Venus found she was a goddess In a world controlled by gods [Chorus] So she opened up her bodice She opened up her bodice And equalized the odds So she opened up her bodice She opened up her bodice And equalized the odds [Bridge] If you have a touch of Venus Men of iron turn to clay Confidentially, between us They are suckers in the hay Look what Beatrice did to Dante What DuBarry did to France Venus showed them that the pantie Is mightier than the pants [Verse 6] Some girls have a touch of Venus They get diamonds every night If she has a touch of Venus When a girl does wrong she does it right I could use a touch of Venus It comes in handy in a pinch [Chorus] Mix a little touch of goddess A little touch of damsel And life is just a goddess damsel cinch [Part III: That's How Much I Love You] [Verse 7] More than a catbird hates a cat Or a criminal hates a clue Or the Axis hates the United States That's how much I love you [Verse 8] As a sailor's sweetheart hates the sea Or a juggler hates a shove As a wife detests unexpected guests That's how much you I love [Bridge] I love you more than a wasp can sting And more than a hangnail hurts I love you more than commercials are a bore And more than a grapefruit squirts [Verse 9] I swear to you by the stars above And below, if such there be As a bride would resent a blessed event That's how you are loved by me [Verse 10] More than a waiter hates to wait Or a lioness hates the zoo Or a batter dislikes those called third strikes That's how much I love you [Verse 11] As much as a lifeguard hates to swim Or a writer hates to read Or the censor frowns on low-cut gowns That's how much you I need [Bridge] I love you more than a hive can itch And more than a chilblain chills I yearn for you in an ivy-clad igloo As a liver yearns for pills [Verse 12] I swear to you by the earth below And above, if such there be As a dachshund abhors revolving doors That's how you are loved by me [Part IV: Very, Very, Very] [Verse 13] One way to be very wealthy Is to be very, very, very rich You can pile up mink and ermine Like a hermit accumulates vermin If you occupy the proper financial niche [Verse 14] One way to be very happy Is to be very, very, very rich There are kinds of human pleasure That are not to be purchased with treasure But I can't remember exactly which [Bridge] I've heard my gilded friends complain There are troubles money cannot cure But a trouble is a trouble is a trouble And it's twice the trouble when a person is poor [Verse 15] In the carefree kingdom of the wealthy You will never see an eyebrow twitch It's a minor peccadillo To patronize the wrong pillow When you're very, very, very rich [Interlude] Damn Uncle Pierpoint! He left me a packet And moved me into a higher bracket Since Sally's run off with her obstetrician Her hair's turned red and she looks like a Titian Of course, I'd hate to swear in court What kind of Titian, beaut or mort? Have you paid your platina fur tax? I am up to my neck in surtax! [Verse 16] One way to never spend a penny Is to be very, very, very rich If you live along Park Avenue You've dandy credit, haven't you? So why pay your grocery bills and sich? [Verse 17] In the costly dotage of the wealthy You resurrect that bygone itch You huddle with your memoirs And boy! What memoirs them was! When you're very, very, very, very rich [Part V: Vive la différence (Reprise)] [Verse 18] He likes to linger for another scotch She keeps a finger pointing at her watch Vive la différence [Verse 19] He's so remorseful every time he errs She's so resourceful concerning sins of hers Vive la différence [Bridge] We'll both walk out on a lecture We both hate spiders and snakes We differ in architecture But, oh, what a difference the difference makes [Verse 20] He'll shout and spout on how girdles make him grin She's holding out on what she is holding in I'm a wonder, if, er, suppose we didn't differ Vive la différence [Outro] There's a happy sequel We'll never be physiqual Vive la différence