Progress

Lyrics

[ENSEMBLE] One time this was a very quiet planet The reason was nobody was around But then one day, Jehovah, who began it Got bored and clamped a couple on the ground And right away when man and woman came here They took a peek and nature took its course He said [MAN] I love you [ENSEMBLE] And she answered [WOMAN] Same here [ENSEMBLE] And love became the greatest human force And from then and through the ages It was love, love, love! From the peasant to the sages It was love, love, love! Man and woman soon discover When they set out to explore [WOMEN] All the world loves a lover [MAN] But a lover loves it more [ENSEMBLE] Everybody was devoted to it: Love, love, love! [WOMAN] Until they all were bloated with it: [ENSEMBLE] Love, love, love, love, love! [MEN] For suddenly the mind of man was changing He started moving on in greater haste And perspective took a drastic rearranging For love and home had finally been misplaced [WOMEN] They discovered something better than affection [MEN] Far more rugged that a hug could ever be [WOMEN] And they started in a happier direction [ENSEMBLE] Leaving love beneath the good old apple tree [WOMAN] What is this thing that's better than spring? [MAN] What thing is this that's better than a kiss? [WOMAN & MAN] What is the "X" that's bigger than sex? [ENSEMBLE] What could it be? What could it be? What could it be? [WOMAN & MAN] It's progress Where every man can be a king Why, next to progress Love's a juvenile thing Yes, with progress Your chance to hit the top is great One year you may need a loan And the following year you own New York state [MAN] Yes, it's progress [WOMAN] Now that's the life for you [MAN] Where you can make a pile a day [WOMAN] Oh, it's incred' what you can do [MAN] Why, next to progress [WOMAN] You don't need brains at all [MAN] Love's as dull as croquet [WOMAN] Just a helluva lot of gall [MAN] Yes, with progress [WOMAN] A Tom, or Dick, or Hank [MAN] Why, there's a world to make and hold [WOMAN] Might any day buy up a bank [WOMAN & MAN] You start a clerk underneath And the following year your teeth are all gold [WOMAN] One day the prices begin to soar [MAN] You made a living, now you need more [WOMAN] You're getting frantic [MAN] You're running short [WOMAN] You have a family [MAN] You must support [WOMAN & MAN] And when you think it'll never stop There is a sudden awful drop [ENSEMBLE] It's a panic! It's a recession! It's a depression! [ENSEMBLE, spoken] It's a crash! [WOMAN & MAN] It's progress The greatest thing there'll ever be Why, next to progress Love's a cup of warm tea Yes, it's progress Where any cluck can make a buck You buy a few shares of stock And the following day— [WOMAN] The markets crumble! The prices crack! [MAN] And down you tumble Upon your back! [WOMAN] You're overextended [MAN] You have no slack! [WOMAN] It can't be mended [MAN] You can't turn back! [WOMAN & MAN] And you are out in a growing mob Without a dime, without a job [ENSEMBLE] It's a panic! It's a recession! It's a depression! It's a crash! [WOMAN & MAN] It's progress Where every man can own the skies To win with progress Just industrialize [ENSEMBLE] Yes, it's progress The only way to happiness No greater love could there be Than for P-R-O-G-R-E-double-S!