I’ll Be Your Everything

Lyrics

[Spoken Intro] Thank you very much. This next song is a song I wrote for a girl actually... It's kind of a funny story really, 'cos when I first met her she didn't speak a word of English, and um, I didn't speak, uh, y'know, whatever language that she spoke. But, uh, the sex was tremendous. Anyway this is a song that I wrote for her on her thirteenth birthday [Song] I'll be your everything I'll be your knight in shining armor If you want me to I'll be there for you If you let me be your everything I'll be your partner I'll laugh when you tell jokes that aren't that funny Just like Kathy Lee I'll be your hero I'll save you when you're drowning in the sea Like David Hassellhoff I'll be your Baywatch I'll fight for you I'll be your Larry H. Parker I'll get you 2.1 million Or even remove negative items from your credit report And if someone steals your heart I'll be your LoJack, or your club And if you've fallen and you can't get up Or you think you're having a heart attack I'll be there I'll be your Oprah Your Donahue, Montel, Geraldo, Jenny Jones Maury Pauvich, Sally Jessy Raphael Marilu Hanner Ricky Lake Jerry Springer Richard Bey Tempestt Bledsoe, Carnie Wilson, Charles Perez Gabrielle Carteris, Mark Wahlberg, Rolonda Watts, and Leeza Gibbons And Rosie O'Donnell And when there's white supremacists And when there's pimps and whores I'll give 'em hell And when there's fat people I'll cry with Richard Simmons I'll help you stop the insanity I'll be your Chia Pet I'll be your Clapper, I'll clap for you I'll be your ThighMaster And I'll be your psychic friend And I won't just be a client But I'll be the president I'll be there for you If you let me be your everything Everything Everything