The Circus Egotistica and the Girl who Cried Bad Wolf

Lyrics

[Part 1: "The Circus Egotistica"] It's been two days since the three year anniversary of your death And I am still, despite everything I have tried, not over it I can't believe that I'm still here I can't believe how much I've changed I am, despite everything, still "me", but I've mutated Into something unpredictable and prone to mutilation Of the self and I'm afraid the blast will take out everybody that I love Like how it did when you went, driving in Montana Going eighty on the freeway in your van going to college It's been two weeks since I woke up at a time prior to 4pm The only places I have been are home and work and home again And I am tired of the same three days I go to the field to smoke my feelings out and the corner store to eat them And the fucked up thing about it is that it serves as some kind of break From all the mourning that I'm doing, feeling like complete total shit And when no one else is around and no coyotes are crashing in I talk to you and pretend that you still exist as I look at the stars You were the first to tell us about the matrix And hell we listened cuz we could already tell something was wrong And the worst part about it all is that I knew how far I'd fall The worst feeling in the world, another fear of yours confirmed 'cause it's just another reason to get hurt And I will always miss you And I will never forget your name And I will always love you But there's a war going on inside my brain And so I must forget you But I'll still carry on And care for all the memories you left with me now you're gone I remember how they all laughed when I told them about the end I remember how they treated me as if I was a man I don't really wanna talk to you people anymore I remember as a young teenager seeing Cara Cunningham I remember how she looked so happy in her wig and dress And I remember how she looked dead inside when she had to detransition And I remember that she looked more alive when she was crying on the bathroom floor than smiling like a stranger Was like looking at a mirror Oh I could see myself clearer, oh It's so cold, it's so cold, it's the coldest night Please don't go, please don't go, please don't say goodbye I shouldn't have to mother myself now But I've got to because you left all the pieces of me behind But it's not like I had a choice You've got me stunted, I'm so broken and you're never gonna get me repaired You're never gonna get me repaired Like I'm just some broken doll to replace Thinking that I should point out the spade I have led a life of pain inside the freakshow in my brain Inside my head and now I'm free, we left the ringmaster last spring Or did that happen months before? Or did that happen years ago? When did I come into existence? When was my consciousness formed? What was that child like who lived here? Why did they go and kill their self? It went and happened oh so long ago I don't know if we're what they left I just know something awful happened and now we're kinda broken up The children born from all this violence will someday come seek real love in their lives [Part 2: "the Girl who Cried Bad Wolf"] Even if all hope is lost, I'll never stop the fight I'm gonna keep on running, power's part of my named right And part of me Whether I want it to be Whether I need it to be Whether it's okay to be a perfect weapon of pure destruction in a time like this Bad wolf, I cried, and it answered and made it her whole again And the world became the way it always was Even if I died for nothing, I came back alright I'm starting to accept that this will always be my life From this point on Whether I want it to be Whether I need it to be Whether it's okay to be a false immortal I can't stop dying all of the time, all of the time Bad wolf, I cried, and I broke up and split up and flailed about And the world became the way it always was I think my childhood is over now for real this time But the people we used to know never changed They never grew up, they stayed the same Still stuck in the mindset from their old ways From the place there that tortured them at that age And the guilt from it all starts to suffocate Me when I start thinking too hard cuz I enabled All that shit when I was just a fucking stupid teenager When I swore that I knew better that time And the places we used to go, they will change But the way that they tortured us still remains It's baked into the pavement but they don't care 'bout the body count cause it's intentional Not a bug, but a feature, it's criminal The way we force all our lives into schedules Of arbitrary work hours so we can live at all I wanna make something good of myself I can make something good, something good, god fucking dammit And it's starting to look like I'm not alone in my dysfunctional relationship with myself And it's starting to look like we're not alone in feeling like we're all just living in hell And it's starting to look like I'm not alone in my less than ideal relationships with my selves And it's starting to look like we're not alone in feeling like this world is going to hell Going to hell Going to hell Going to hell