Just, Don’t Say Goodbye. I Hate Goodbyes (She Burned her Selves in an Open Field off SR-202. Everyone Stood Quietly and Watched the Fireworks.)

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I threw my whole life into cardboard boxes Nearly twenty years, nearly two decades of living on foreign land The world's different, so am I and it scares me, god damn I'm confused I'm just trying to find a way to hold on This world gets ever more dangerous the longer that I'm alive I'm afraid of living here, but won't say goodbye [Chorus] Ok, world, go ahead and do your worst, because I won't comply I don't know if we'll ever really get better, all I know is that it's careless not to try [Verse 2] I've had this dream hеre so many times I'm eighteen or somеthing, somewhere outside our house right next to a bright red corvette drop-top And I look like a 60s French model And I get in the car and I turn it on And I just start driving and I don't stop I just start leaving home There's power in depiction of a memory Everything I've said is just my point of view But fuck it, I've been told my memory's wrong more times than I can count After a while, it all just started to break down Now I can't remember anything important from any of the years that you were around And I know you're not wholly to blame but you were all that I had And you betrayed me so many times I'll never trust again Stop pretending I didn't want to run away every day I spent living in your company [Verse 3] Don't wait ahead, 'cause I'm leaving town Need to get the hell out of here Nothing's here for me but my job, and my family, and the people who deadname us 'cause they haven't seen me in years I don't wanna be leaving town Without saying goodbye But you know that I hate goodbyes, like I'm some kind of rogue Texan, so I'll just say that I forget you [Chorus] Ok, world, go ahead and do your worst, because I just did mine Now, that I've found you, you're gonna help me do what I should have done years ago - take care of every piece of fragmentation that still persists in mind [Breakdown] So go ahead and call me crazy again Go ahead and call us insane Go ahead and call me a faggot, a tranny, a schizo, use all of your hexes against me Go ahead and call the police on me Like all the times you threatened you'd do When we were simply having a breakdown and screaming and crying and doing things all autistic kids do I locked myself in my room again This time we will not come out Even when you were screaming out my true name, banging on the door, making me feel ashamed Swear I'll never touch cigarettes again This time I wanna stay clean This time we wanna not panic, not get so neurotic, not feel like we're only ever to blame Maybe this plane ain't as bad as it seems Maybe this world's not forsaken Maybe your species will actually live through your world crumbling all around from the shit that you've been Maybe this isn't over Maybe this timeline's not doomed Perhaps, oh, the end isn't nigh, or just now, it's quite a ways off, and you've made vaporware of it too Maybe someday we'll forgive you for real And maybe someday you'll deserve it Maybe someday we'll have listed out everything fucked up that you ever did to deserve this estrangement Maybe this world's as bad as it seems And maybe this world is forsaken I don't think I really care anymore, I've got nothing to lose, and I know that for sure, cause' the end happens all of the time [Outro] Ok, world, go ahead and do your worst, because I just did mine I've been so lost and led astray by everything that broke me up but now I feel alive It felt like we'd never be happy again until we cut those ties When I was fourteen, I had zero hope left, I would look in the mirror until I could shed a tear, stare at the ugliness plastered upon us. That face says it all. My face says it all. I can't feel (The world's gonna turn against us) I can't feel, I can't feel, I can't feel (The world's already against us) We can't feel, we can't feel, we can't feel anything at all Cave my own face in trying to prove to myself that I'm not just some hollow shell Are we already in hell?