Good Help Is Hard To Find

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Well, I bought this house, a little framejob With a picket fence and a view And all it needed was a new roof That leaked in a place or two "How do you do?" – right out the blue This old, toothless roofer came by "Need a new roof?", he said to me And he winked with a bloodshot eye "Sure do!" said I, "how much will it cost?" "About hum-hum-nyum", he said "And when can you start?" "On num-nyum" I said: fine, go ahead Next day he came by with shingles and nails And he was through in an hour or two I gave him the cash and he gave me his number And he faded back into the blue That night I was watching the TV weather, it's gonna rain, they said About that time four big drops hit me right on top of the head Well, where's that number? I'll call that fool! He left me in a spot! "I'm sorry, sir" said the operator, "but you dialed a vacant lot" [Chorus] Good help is hard to find That's something you should always keep in mind Just when you've got it all upfront, they'll get you from behind Good help is hard to find [Verse 2] Well, I figured since I had a roofless house I'll just buy me another! That's why I went down to AFD Realty Recommended by my ex-wife's brother They had a salesman there in white, belt n' shoes And an office in a mobile home Sold me a cottage in a little valley And even helped with the loan I loved that place, little stone jobs So naturally I moved right in Setting was lovely: a lush green valley With a big stone wall at the end Then the army corp of engineers Showed up at the door one day They said: We came to tell you, sir You better be moving away! That thing you saw you thought was a wall It's a dam we came to make In about a month, you'll find this house Will be at the bottom of a lake Well, I rushed back to the realty place And I figured out in the end When all I found were the tire tracks Where that mobile home had been [Chorus] Good help is hard to find That's something you should always keep in mind Just when you've got it all upfront, they'll get you from behind Good help is hard to find [Verse 3] Now, I figured since things weren't going so well I deserved a night out on the town So I slicked up my hair and threw all my duds And went down to this motel lounge I was sittin' at the bar, wishin' eyes of stars Sipping on a double, when This tall ol' girl with long red dress Came sort of floating in Well, she winked at me and suddenly It was Mardi Gras for my senses I had thoughts of moonlight walks, sunsets and picket fences "Gee, you're something special Wish we'd get better acquainted", I said Then she turned around and pulled off her wig And said "Hi, my name is Fred!" [Chorus] Good help is hard to find That's something you should always keep in mind Just when you've got it all upfront, they'll get you from behind Good help is hard to find [whistling] Good help is hard to find