Instant Glue

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Well, I was browsing around the store one day When I passed by this giant display Advertising something called Instant Glue "Bonds in seconds" said the label "From the kitchen sink to the kitchen table And most anything in between, we guarantee you" So I picked up a tube, sounds like a miracle! How did I ever get by without Instant Glue? [Verse 2] Well, I took that Instant Glue right home And I waited till I was all alone Then I got out that old broken cup to mend I read the directions once again It said "Pierce the top with a tiny pin" But when I tried that, all the glue just shot out the other end Yeah, just went all over my body Got on me quicker than bald on a buzzard [Verse 3] Well, I jumped back and I tried to stand But that cup was glued to my left hand Just tucked there tighter than a cowboy full of beer And about that time the telephone rang And without a thought I just reached for the thing And immediately glued the receiver to my left ear And my right index finger to the dial Yeah, stuck right there on the 3, and the call was a wrong number [Verse 4] Well, I said to myself: now look here, self Maybe you should go find you some help So I ripped the phone outta the wall and started cross the floor I got to the doorway to go outside But I stopped right there, as I tried and tried To figure out some way to open the stupid door As I saw, I only had two choices So I chose the second: I used my nose [Verse 5] Well, my nose must've been a gooey glob 'Cause it stuck fast to that brass door knob Leaving me there in a funny crouching stance So there I was, in pain at the door As my left shoe adhered to the floor I said: Well, my right leg's still free, maybe I still have a chance You know, soon as I had the thought come through my mind Then the cat ran up to me from behind Started lovin' around my leg and glued herself to my knee Yeah, just stuck the furry little critter right to me Friendly little booger, isn't she? [Verse 6] Well, picture this now, if you can Here's a glimpse of the thoroughly modern man With his nose to the brass and a passionate pussycat on his knee And his left ear glued to the phone His right index finger glued to the dial His left leg glued to the floor And in his left hand, stuck tighter than a $2 shirt, one broken cup [Verse 7] It seems I was stuck there for hours Till this guy came by delivering flowers And hearing my screams, he crawled into the window screen He got the police and the fire department And a bunch of nurses from a single's apartment And together, they pried me loose from nearly everything I owned Amid laughter, puns and one-liners Things like "Stuck in the same old rat race?" Hehe... "If the glue fits." Yeah, real funny... [Verse 8] Well, since my ordeal with Instant Glue I guess I've learned me a thing or two To take my time, if it's in my power What works for you won't work for me So I've taken up this philosophy Not to get stuck in anything that takes less than 24 hours