A Day in Falsettoland / Racquetball

Lyrics

[WHIZZER, spoken] A day in Falsettoland: Dr. Mendel at work.​ [MENDEL] I don't get it I don't understand In the '60s, everyone had heart In the '60s, we were all a part of the same team In the '60s, we had a new world to start Could this Oh God, don't say it is Could this be the new world we started? Here I sit, brokenhearted and [CAROLINE, spoken] You go out on the street, and there's all these people asking for a handout. Then you go home, you open your mail, and it's full of people asking for a donation. Then, you turn on the TV, and there's pictures of starving children in Ethiopia.​ [MENDEL, spoken] And how does that make you feel, Diane? [CAROLINE, spoken] Caroline.​ [MENDEL, spoken] Caroline? [CAROLINE, spoken] Yes, my name is Caroline.​ [MENDEL] I don't get it I've been left behind Half my patients Yuppie pagans Modeled on the Ronald Reagans Now the world is too pathetic And I don't get it at all! [CAROLINE, spoken] Now that I got the promotion, can I finally stop sleeping with my boss? [MENDEL, spoken] Time's up! [CAROLINE, spoken] Oh— You always do this.​ [MENDEL] At least there's Trina at home Trina in bed Trina obsessing And sort of caressing My head with her feet I once thought it was sweet But I don't anymore Now I just snore 'Cause I'm so exhausted Listening to these yuppie farts complain Listening as their shallow hearts explain Their lives [CHARLOTTE, spoken] Trina works it out.​ [TRINA] Marvin's back with Whizzer Just like how it was If I don't like Whizzer It's because my ex Sure does Why should that upset me? Sometimes I'm a lout Mendel serenades, and Jason calms me Why should I be wilting When their precious love Is not in doubt? Work it out! [JASON, spoken] The neighbors relax after work.​ [CORDELIA] How was your day at the hospital? [CHARLOTTE] Unbelievable What is that smell? [CORDELIA] Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine I've been practicing Cuisine, bar mitzvah, nouvelle [Cordelia hands Charlotte some food. Mendel joins Trina, now also dressed to work out.] [MENDEL, spoken] Hi, honey [CORDELIA] Well? [TRINA] Hi, honey.​ [MENDEL] How was your day? [TRINA] It was terrible Did you hear that Marvin's back with Whizzer? Marvin's back with Whizzer! [MENDEL] Drop it, sweetheart Give it up You know I love you What's the matter Trina darling? I don't get it Why can't you let go? [TRINA] Maybe in a mile, I'll be okay I'll be happy when we finally have this bar mitzvah [MENDEL] Isn't it enough I want you every night? [TRINA, spoken] Who? [MENDEL] Every other night? [TRINA, spoken] Me? [MENDEL] Every third night? [Trina laughs.] [MENDEL, spoken] Let's drop it.​ (sung) Everything will be alright [TRINA] Oh, everything will be alright [MENDEL & TRINA] Everything will be alright! [Cordelia pours Charlotte a martini.] [CORDELIA] How was your day At the hospital? [CHARLOTTE] It was wonderful For the first time in months Nobody died [CORDELIA, spoken] Yay! [CHARLOTTE] There were just Heart attacks and gallstones Light bulbs up the ass Fake appendicitis which was gas Which I diagnosed People overdosed and I saved them I saved young people, old people One priest and one high school principal Saving lives, I feel invincible Yes I do Do you know how great my life is? Do you know how great my life is? Saving lives and loving you [CORDELIA] You save lives And I save chicken fat I can't fucking deal with that! [CHARLOTTE] Do you know how great my life is? [CORDELIA, MENDEL & TRINA] Yes, I know how great your life is (Everything will be alright) [CHARLOTTE] Do you know how great my life is? [CORDELIA, MENDEL & TRINA] Yes, I know how great your life is (Everything will be alright) [CHARLOTTE] Do you know how great my life is? [CORDELIA, MENDEL & TRINA] Yes, I know how great (Everything will be alright) [CHARLOTTE] Saving lives [CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] And loving you [Marvin and Whizzer enter, dressed for Racquetball and holding racquets. Whizzer is all in white, looking great. Marvin is in baggy and colorful jams, looking baggy. No ball is used; rather, when they make a shot, the racquet scrapes the floor and sounds like a ball ricocheting off a racquet. Their scene is played in the court. In the course of the scene, Whizzer decimates Marvin, as you would expect.] [WHIZZER] It bounced twice [MARVIN] No, it didn't [WHIZZER] Yeah, once, then twice You know it did [MARVIN] That's not nice [WHIZZER] No, it isn't But you're a pain in the ass [MARVIN] You're a beast But, at least When you play me, you win [WHIZZER] You give up [MARVIN] I perspire [WHIZZER] Where's the heat? Where's the fire? Used to be you desire to fight! So fight! [MARVIN] So play! [Whizzer doesn't move an inch; he's in total control. Marvin is killing himself trying to get his racquet on the ball.] [WHIZZER] One-two-three-four! [MARVIN] One-two-three-four! [WHIZZER] One-two-three-four! [MARVIN] One-two-three-four! [WHIZZER] One-two-three-four! [MARVIN] One-two-three-four! [WHIZZER] One-two-three-four! [MARVIN] One-two-three-four! [Finally, by mistake, Marvin hits a good shot.] [WHIZZER] Lucky dink! [MARVIN] I'm finessing [WHIZZER] Something stinks in how you play [MARVIN] Don't you think it's a blessing I'm so pathetically bad? [WHIZZER] Just stay back Serve with force I'll attack And, of course I will win Just give in To bliss And kiss [MARVIN] Let's go! [MARVIN, WHIZZER] Do you know? (Down the alley!) All I want (High lob!) Is you (Low drive!) Anything you do (Ceiling shot!) Is all right (Ha, into the corner!) Yes, it's all right (Oh!) Do you know? (Four walls!) All I want is you [WHIZZER] Hit your shoe [MARVIN] No, it didn't [WHIZZER] Yes it did The game is through [MARVIN] That's not nice [WHIZZER] No, it isn't [MARVIN] God, you're a pain in the ass [WHIZZER] Play it raw Don't play pretty Sex and games In New York City Have got to be played with flair And passion And passion and flair [MARVIN & WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA, MENDEL & TRINA] Do you know (Do you know how great my life is?) ​All I want is you? (Do you know how great my life is?) Anything you do (Saving lives) (Everything will be) ​Is alright (And loving you) (Alright) Yes it's alright (Everything will be alright) Everything will (Everything will) (Everything will) Everything will (Be alright) (Be alright) Everything will (Everything will) (Everything will) Everything will (Everything will) (Be) [ALL] Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright for the rest of your life! Feel alright Feel alright [MARVIN & WHIZZER with CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA, MENDEL & TRINA] Feel alright (Rest of your life!) (Feel feel) For the rest of your life (Feel feel) Feel alright (Alright! Woo!) (Feel feel) For the rest of your life (Feel feel) Feel alright (Rest of your life!) (Feel feel) For the rest of your (Feel feel) Rest of your [ALL] Everything will be alright!