Schlimmer!

Lyrics

[DOUG as NARRATOR, spoken] Act One, Scene One: Schlimmer, Germany. A German town full of German things, like sausages and short pants. Gutenberg walks down the dirt streets of this medieval 'berg and encounters a woman and her daughter on the way to market. They're carrying kraut--saur kraut [BUD as WOMAN, spoken] Good morning, Mr. Gutenberg [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Ha-ha-ha, call me Johann! Johann Gutenberg [BUD as DAUGHTER, spoken] Hello, Mr. Butengerg! [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] It's Gutenberg. How are you today, little girl? [BUD as DAUGHTER, spoken] As happy as I can be... considering I can't read [DOUG as NARRATOR, spoken] Another woman throws open her shutters to greet the morning She dumps her stinky chamber pot And suddenly, the town of Schlimmer is alive Not alive like a monster But alive like a town! [BUD as WOMAN] It's nice to live in Medieval Germany In the beautiful town of Schlimmer! We all get along in perfect harmony! [DOUG as BEEF-FAT TRIMMER] I'm a beef fat trimmer! [BUD as WOMAN] Hi! [DOUG as BEEF-FAT TRIMMER] The beef comes in all white with fat It leaves a good bit slimmer [BOTH as DRUNKS] We're just drunks comin' home from the bar In the beautiful town of Schlimmer! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] Hey, Gutenberg, got any wine? [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] You're the wine presser! Tell us where the wine is! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] Yeah, is it over 'ere? [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] It's not over 'ere! [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Hey, guys, my wine isn't the answer to all of your problems! [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] [laughs] yes it is! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] Yeah, drinking your wine is the only thing that makes our horrible lives worth living! [BOTH as DRUNKS] Gutenberg! Darn tootin'-berg He's the back chap around Well, at least in this town Sure as shootin'-berg [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Call me Johan! [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] Oh, that Gutenberg [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] I prefer Johann... [BUD as BOOT-BLACK] Gutenberg... [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Hey, it's the boot-black! [BUD as BOOT-BLACK] Shine your Boot-enberg? [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Well, sure, boot-black! [BUD as BOOT-BLACK] You're a man in your prime, making friends all the time, no refutin-berg! (spoken) Ten dockets! [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Hey, hey! Okay, fellas, I gotta be getting back to my wine press shop, don't you have anything better to do? [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] No! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] Yeah, It's not like we can read! [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] Hey, you can't read! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] You can't read! [BUD as DRUNK #2, spoken] You can't read! [DOUG as DRUNK #1, spoken] You can't read! [DOUG as GUTENBERG, spoken] Woah, woah now--hey, hey, guys, guys! Don't fight! Why don't I buy you a flower from that adorable little flower girl? [BUD as FLOWER GIRL] Here's a pretty posey, it's the first one of the spring I stole it from a Jew! My heart is full of hate, and I don't know anything 'Cause yes, I'm illiterate too! [DOUG as GUTENBERG] Ooh, Schlimmer My lovely Schlimmer You are the best darn town in Germany! [BUD as BOOT-BLACK] Gutenberg! [DOUG as BEEF-FAT TRIMMER] Gutenberg! [BUD as FLOWER GIRL] Gutenberg! [BOTH as DRUNKS] Gutenber-er-er-er-erg [BUD, spoken] Alright, you ready? [DOUG, spoken] Ok, I'm ready, you ready? We got this [BUD, spoken] Let's bring this home, let's do it. Good job, yeah [DOUG as GUTENBERG] I'm the pride of Schlimmer [BUD as BOOT-BLACK] He's the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG as GUTENBERG] I'm the cremé de la creméer [BOTH as GUTENBERG/FLOWER GIRL] He's/I'm the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG as GUTENBERG] I'm the cremé de la creméer [BUD as DRUNK #2] He's the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG as GUTENBERG] I am- [BOTH as ALL CHARACTERS] Gutenberg!