Woe is Me

Lyrics

[SCHWARZY, spoken] I'd just like to take one moment to thank my two fathers who've been so supportive of me in all of my endeavors. Thank you, dads! [CARL] We hate losers Which is why we discipline God hates losers Because losers do not know how to win (spoken) Yes we do! Go get 'em!   [DAN, spoken] No one likes a loser! But he loves you! And we have faith in you Yes we do! [SCHWARZY] I hope you can love me, America I'm gunning for first prize! Here's why you should love me, America My needs I cannot overemphasize I make myself crazy Being what my dads hope I'll be But what about me, dads? What about me? Jesus Christ! What about me? [CARL, spoken] Practice your breathing, Logainne [SCHWARZY] Though I practice yoga, I don't breathe I try not to disappoint But still I Disappoint the dads Who my friends mock Kids are mean Kids'll talk All my so-called "friends" Roll their eyes They're incredibly petty Because my dads are my dads And alright enough already [SCHWARZY & SPELLERS] Woe is me Woe is me [SCHWARZY] Which is why I gotta win this spelling bee [CARL, spoken] Take a picture for her B.M. [SCHWARZY, spoken] Dad! [DAN, spoken] Don't call her B.M., Carl. [CARL, spoken] Sorry. Her "Birth Mother." [SCHWARZY, spoken] Peggy Jenkins! [DAN, spoken] She'd be very proud if she could see you spell! [SCHWARZY] My birth mother lives in Kansas, MO In a trailer, in a park [DADS & SPELLERS] Tornados [SCHWARZY] Every now and then she sends a card "Life and men," she writes, "are hard." She would like to meet me when I'm grown And I've burst like a comet But I'm so stressed by my stress I just wanna up and vomit [SCHWARZY & SPELLERS] Woe is me Woe is me [SCHWARZY] Which is why I gotta win this spelling— [DADS & SPELLERS] Be smart Be cool Be an adult Be remarkably adroit In social situations [SCHWARZY] Woe is me Woe is me Which is why I gotta win This spelling Bee [DADS] Which is why she's gotta win This spelling Bee [SPELLERS] Be smart, be cool Be smart, be cool Be smart, be cool Be smart, be Which is why she's gotta win This spelling Bee