Three Dates With Marvin and Whizzer: A True Story

Lyrics

[CORDELIA] Three dates with Marvin and Whizzer - a true story [WHIZZER] Hello [MARVIN] Hello [WHIZZER] Marvin? [MARVIN] Yep How are you? [WHIZZER] It's been a long time [MARVIN] As you probably know, Jason is getting bar mitzvah'd And he wants you to be a special person on that day What do you say, Whizzer? Do it for the kid, Whizzer Anything I did, Whizzer Throw it away Throw it away Are you still there? [WHIZZER] I'm right here, can-- [MARVIN] Can I maybe see you? [WHIZZER] I am still here and breathing I can't forget when it was bad [MARVIN] Let me try to put it right [WHIZZER] When? [MARVIN] How about- [WHIZZER] WHEN [MARVIN] How about- I'll pick you up in two hours! [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Tonight Tonight Tonight! [COREDELIA] Not so dressy [CHARLOTTE] Please don't quote this [BOTH] We can't stand your trying [CORDELIA] Here's your last chance for happiness! [CHARLOTTE] Oh, but he'll kill you He'll kill you [CORDELIA] All you have to do is Be nice [CHARLOTTE] Kill you [CORDELIA] Be nice [CHARLOTTE] Kill you [CORDELIA] Be nice [CHARLOTTE] Kill you [CORDELIA] Be nice [CHARLOTTE] Kill you [WHIZZER] Life is funny, a-ha funny Life plays on, it's a-ha funny jokes After all, things might turn out okay I'm glad Marvin's so agreeable 'cause he'll have to pay What he did to me I recall it like Yes-ter-day [JASON, spoken] The first date, at the ballpark [MARVIN] Are you sure this is where you wanna come? [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light [They jeer at the game] [MARVIN] After he left hm, well After I kicked him out Life was like sauerkraut: Good if you put it on a hotdog Hell, I want More than just a hotdog I want more Life's a bore without him [WHIZZER] I want the underdog to win [MARVIN] That's not our team, just keep quiet [WHIZZER] Well, then go 'other team' [?] Other team [MARVIN] Stop it Stop it Why are people hitting us Why are people hitting us Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it [CORDELIA] They're on their second date First one went so great They thought they'd try another [CHARLOTTE] Hey, sorry that we're late But we're here [ALL] Oh, say can you- [UMPIRE] Play ball [MARVIN] He's makin' me pay But hey no big deal [LESBIANS] Hiya Wilma, now Hiya Sue... Okay, no big deal You're with us and we're with you That's what matters [ALL] That's what matters That's what matters Life is funny, a-ha funny Life plays on, its haha funny jokes [MARVIN & WHIZZER] God, it's great to Be back with these folks [LESBIANS] It feels nice to be escorted By these funny men [ALL] We're double-dating homosexuals Once again [JASON, spoken] The third date [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Who'd believe We'd be here, nude, in bed [MARVIN] Nude instead Of at each other's throats [WHIZZER] Wearing suits and overcoats [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Life is funny, haha funny [MENDEL, spoken] Oh no, oh no- Trina, TRINA [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Life is goody, rooty tooty [MENDEL] Trina, I can't jump! I can't jump! [MARVIN & WHIZZER, laughing in the background] [MARVIN & WHIZZER] Life is really quite ridiculous [MENDEL] Where's my joie de vivre?