Don’t Put Your Daughter on the Stage Mrs. Worthington

Lyrics

Regarding yours, dear Mrs. Worthington Of Wednesday the 23rd Although your baby May be Keen on a stage career How can I make it clear That this in not a good idea For her to hope Dear Mrs. Worthington Is on the face of it absurd Her personality Is not in reality Inviting enough Exciting enough For this particular sphere Refrain 1 Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage The profession is overcrowded And the struggle's pretty tough And admitting the fact She's burning to act That isn't quite enough She has nice hands, to give the wretched girl her due But don't you think her bust is too Developed for her age? I repeat Mrs. Worthington Sweet Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage Refrain 2 Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage She's a bit of an ugly duckling You must honestly confess And the width of her seat Would surely defeat Her chances of success It's a loud voice, and though it's not exactly flat She'll need a little more than that To earn a living wage On my knees Mrs. Worthington Please Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage Refrain 3 Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage Though they said at the school of acting She was lovely as Peer Gynt I'm afraid on the whole An ingénue role Would emphasize her squint She's a big girl, and though her teeth are fairly good She's not the type I ever would Be eager to engage No more buts Mrs. Worthington NUTS Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage (Song normally ends here, but there is another refrain) Refrain 4 Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage One look at her bandy legs should prove She hasn't got a chance In addition to which The son of a bitch Can neither sing nor dance She's a vile girl and uglier than mortal sin One look at her has put me in A tearing bloody rage That sufficed Mrs. Worthington Christ! Mrs. Worthington Don't put your daughter on the stage