Lyrics

[Opening Cartoon]: Eric Cartman, Mr. Rodriguez, Man Customer, Woman Customer *Cartman Eating* Okay, here you go, amigo! Another taco plate and the taquitos Oh, thank you. And, uh did I mention I am a food critic for Yelp? Yes, you mentioned that several times Okay, I just didn't want you caught off-guard. I was thinking of giving this place 5 stars Really? Yeah, but I'm kind of teetering on 5 stars or 1 star Ohnono. No 1 star, please. What could we do to-? Ah, I mean, I could probably be persuaded with some free desserts Let me get that for you Great, and can you turn down the music a bit? This pagan shit hurts my ears Of course! Hi, two of us for lunch, please Yes, right away! Oh, and uh, I just wanted to mеntion that my wife and I are Yelp rеviewers, so uh, your best table, please Oh Jeez, you guys too, huh? Ho-kay, uhm, I'll get you set up right over here, okay? Hm, this place seems, nice I guess we'll see D'I guess we'll see, won't we? Oh God, now everyone thinks they're a food critic [Intro]: Trey Parker We have any Yelp reviewers in the audience? (cheers) 'Cause you know what they do to your food, right? (cheers) [Verse One] So you're one of Yelpers' special blessed You demand a restaurant's very best Well, they're gonna treat you special, I'm tellin' you, chum Now get yourself ready for some boogers and cum (Boogers and cum) (Boogers and cum) (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) [Verse Two] (Boogers and cum) That's called "the Yelper special"! (Boogers and cum) Say, what's that on your pretzel? (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Your online critiques are real useful to some Now have a good time eatin' boogers and cum [Verse Three] (Boogers and cum) Someone farted on your salad (Boogers and cum) But your décor critiques are valid (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) You think you're special, like you're A-number one- Well, there's a whole lot of special in Boogers and cum [Verse Four] (Boogers and cum) How 'bout some feces with your flounder? (Boogers and cum) You like that queefy quarter pounder? (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) What's that spice that's all tangy on your tongue? Oh, that's a yuzu pepper and boogers, and cum [Pre-Bridge] (Boogers and cum) Hey! (Boogers and cum) Look we got a Yelp reviewer right here! (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Come on up here guy! They're gonna jack off in your food [Bridge] *Tap Dancing* (Boogers and cum) (Boogers and cum) (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) (Boogers and cum) They're gonna wipe their ass (Boogers and cum) And put it in your food (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Along with a whole lotta boogers and cum! [Verse Five] (Boogers and cum) Being a food critic's easy (Boogers and cum) Oh, you feel a little queasy? (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Do you need a diagnosis? Well, the doctor's got one Your stomach's all filled with boogers and cum [Verse Six] (Boogers and cum) Piss in your potatoes (Boogers and cum) Some guy shit on your tomatoes (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Alright, fancy food critic, looks like you've won Now please enjoy all the... boo-oo-oogers Boo-oo-oo-oo-oogers Boo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oogers ...and cum! (Cum!) Enjoy all your boogers and cum! [Outro]