Property Quiz

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Paul Heaton] All the secrets we have shared Have moved to a couple better paired So if he impales himself on javelin or spike I will try my best to be the perfect lookalike And if he wants to be smart And enter a property quiz Every weed in the garden's mine, but the lawnmower's his Every weed in the garden's mine, but the lawnmower's his [Chorus: Dave Hemingway, Jacqui Abbott, & Heaton] And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch I will gladly supplement that extra little inch And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny, not his If they've got my fingerprints on, mine, not his [Verse 2: Heaton] Now you've found someone new May I watch him do what I used to do? So if he dies an ugly death or even if he faints I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against Maybe I shouted too loud Maybe you were blissfully deaf But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref [Chorus: Abbott, Hemingway, & Heaton] And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch I will gladly supplement that extra little inch And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny, not his If they've got my fingerprints on, mine, not his [Verse 3: Heaton] I hope he likes to fly And is a good host to every guest 'Cause there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death Yes, there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death [Chorus: Abbott, Hemingway, & Heaton] And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch I will gladly supplement that extra little inch And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny, not his If they've got my fingerprints on, mine, not his [Outro: Heaton] Now you've found someone new