Lyrics

5 EXT. SIDEWALK NEAR OCEAN - DAY We pan down from a cloudy sky. "Pass the Dutchie" by Musical Youth begins to play. Superimpose: "Two Years Later." The Mystery Machine is parked beside the curb. The van has seen better days. Smoke billows from the Mystery Machine. We hear Scooby and Shaggy chuckling giddly. SHAGGY (O.S.): This is primo. Oh, man. Talk about toasted. It's not hard to guess what they're doing inside. 6 INT. MYSTERY MACHINE - DAY Barbecuing! A hibachi is loaded with a gluttonous feast. Shaggy is pouring chocolate syrup on an eggplant. SCOOBY: Mm-mm! SHAGGY: Man, the only thing I like better than an eggplant burger is a chocolate-covered eggplant burger. SCOOBY: Rith hot sauce! Ratchachacha! Scooby pours Tabasco sauce on top of that. He licks his lips. His giant tongue can almost reach his ears. SHAGGY: Yeah, just another beautiful day in paradise. Shaggy's about to eat his burger before hearing a knock at the door. EMISSARY (O.S.): I'm looking for a Mr. Rogers and a Mr. Doo. The detectives? SHAGGY: Like, it's probably just somebody else looking for us to solve some terrifying mystery. SCOOBY: Robody home! SHAGGY: Quick, Scoob-O, grab the food-O, let's scram-O. SCOOBY: Rokay! Shaggy and Scooby scoop up hot eggplant, etc. EMISSARY (O.S.): I'm looking for a Mr. Rogers and a Mr. Doo. SHAGGY: Let's go. 9 EXT. SIDEWALK NEAR OCEAN - DAY The Island Emissary moves to the side of the van– Just as Shaggy and Scooby tumble out of the side door, knocking him back, clutching more food than they can handle. Scooby's jowls are filled like a hamster. SHAGGY: I'm sorry, dude. Look, I'd love to help you out. You look like a really nice guy. It's just we're not detectives anymore. EMISSARY: Oh no. I've been sent by my employer, Mr. Emile Mondavarious, to invite you to his world-famous amusement park, Spooky Island. SHAGGY: Oh, we don't go near any place with "spooky," "haunted," "forbidden," or "creepy" in the name. SCOOBY: Or "hydrocoronic." SHAGGY: Right, or "hydrocolonic." But that's for a whole different reason, man. EMISSARY: But Mr. Mondavarious would like you to solve a mystery. He'll pay you a fee of ten thousand American dollars. SHAGGY: Yeah, it's just materialism's not really our bag, man. EMISSARY: He'll provide free airfare. SHAGGY: No thanks. EMISARRY: Room and board. SHAGGY: Ah, no thanks. EMISSARY: And all you can eat. Scooby and Shaggy smile. SCOOBY: All you can eat? Scooby faints. 10 INT. AIRPORT - DAY A vacation poster on the wall reads "VISIT SPOOKY ISLAND." Fred Jones enters the airport, not noticing his former comrades ahead of him. VELMA: Fred? FRED: Velma? They stare at each other an awkward moment. FRED: Ar-are you going this way? Velma nods nervously. They exchange phony smiles as they walk. VELMA: How have you, uh– FRED: Been? VELMA: Yes. FRED: Great. I'm on the lecture circuit, with my new book! Fred pulls the book out of his bag, displaying it. FRED: Fred on Fred: The Many Faces of Me. VELMA: Jinkies, that's impressive. FRED: And yourself? VELMA: I've been working at NASA, developing hydro-powered missile defense systems. But, more importantly, I'm on a journey of self-discovery. FRED: NASA, huh? GATE ATTENDANT (V.O.): Charter service to Spooky Island will begin boarding momentarily. Fred and Velma stop at the same gate. They look at their tickets, then each other, surprised. In the background, they hear: DAPHNE: What do you mean I can't have seven carry-on bags? That is so economy. Velma and Fred see Daphne with carry-on pieces piled next to her. FRED: Daph? VELMA: Crap. Daphne turns to see them. She's upset. DAPHNE: Oh no. I'm not talking to you guys. Daphne zips her lips. Then, she faces them again. DAPHNE: What the heck are you doing here? VELMA: Isn't it obvious? We all received the same letter from one Emile Mondavarious, the reclusive owner of Spooky Island. DAPHNE: That's not fair! I was going to solve a mystery all by myself for the first time ever! FRED: How were you gonna save yourself when you get caught? DAPHNE: I'm a blackbelt now. I've transformed my body into a dangerous weapon. Fred and Velma start to chuckle. DAPHNE: It's true! Shaggy appears in the hall. He happily approaches them. "Lil' Romeo's B House" by Romeo Miller begins to play. SHAGGY: Far out! I guess we're, like, all going to Spooky Island, man! VELMA: Hey, where's Scooby? Scooby approaches down the hall–he is having a difficult time staying upright in high heels. He's dressed in an old lady costume: gray wig, flower-patterened dress, floppy bonnet, and a pair of orange cat-eye glasses. Onlookers stare shocked as Scooby moves towards the group. SHAGGY: They don't allow big dogs on the plane. VELMA: You've got to be kidding. DAPHNE: No one is stupid enough to believe that. FRED (whispering to Shaggy): Who's the ugly old broad? A pleased Scooby gives Fred a big tongue-licking. SHAGGY: Say hello to Grandma. GATE ATTENDANT (V.O.): Flight 3774 to Spooky Island, now boarding. VELMA: Listen, I wouldn't have agreed to come if I knew. SHAGGY: Like, wait. Just think about it for one minute. "Mystery Inc. reunites." We'll be a team again, just like the old days. So come on, gang. Let's do that thing where we all put our hands in, we lift 'em up, and we go, "Woo-hoo-hoo!" DAPHNE: Only if Fred and Velma do it. FRED: People are watching, Shag. Fred and Daphne head to the boarding gate. Velma stays for a moment, then leaves too. Shaggy and Scooby stand alone, their fake smiles fading, Scooby's paw still on Shaggy's hand. SCOOBY: Roo-hoo-hoo? SHAGGY: Yeah, Scoob. "Roo-hoo." C'mon, buddy. 17 EXT. SPOOKY PLANE - DAY "Grow Up" by Simple Plan begins to play. The spooky plane flies overhead. It's white with an island pattern painted on. 18 INT. SPOOKY PLANE - DAY College students party onboard. Velma sits with Fred, who is reading his own book. Daphne sits reading a magazine next to a random suitor, while rejecting his attempt to talk to her. Shaggy sits with Scooby/Grandma. He's holding a sandwich on French bread. SHAGGY: Now that is a beautiful work of art, Scoob. SCOOBY: Ruh-huh. Shaggy's ready to eat the sandwich when he looks up to see a young woman, Maryjane Kirk, getting out of her seat between two rowdy students. Maryjane is the supreme granola chick: a braided, Eurorail-pass holding, Berekley world studies major. There's a genuine radiance to her. It's like she drinks sunlight for breakfast. Shaggy stares at her as if she were an angel; she walks in slow motion down the aisle. Knowing an opportunity when he sees one, Scooby rolls his tongue around Shaggy's sandwich, sucking it in. Maryjane leans in toward Shaggy. MARYJANE: Would you mind me taking a seat there next to, um... SHAGGY: Uh, to my grandma. That's my grandma. Hi, Grandma. Like, no. Shaggy smiles as she squeezes past him and Scooby toward the window seat. Halfway there, she sneezes. SHAGGY: Bless you. MARYJANE: Wow, I'm sorry. My allergies are... It's usually only dogs that do it. Shaggy and Scooby stare at each other. Maryjane sneezes again. She starts to stand. MARYJANE: Maybe I'd better move. SHAGGY: No, wait, um. Y'know, it's probably just my grandma's perfume. Yeah, even I get a little allergic, you know. Shaggy delivers a very fake sneeze. Maryjane sits back down. SHAGGY: 'Cause I'm pretty sure Grandma wants to go back and visit with her old pal Velma. Right, Grandma? SCOOBY: Rokay. Scooby awkwardly stands and heads to the back of the plane. Maryjane pulls a bag from her hemp purse. It's a bag of Scooby Snacks. She eats one. SHAGGY: Boy-oh-boy. Those sure do look like Scooby Snacks. MARYJANE: I know they're for dogs. But they're a hundred percent vegetarian, and I love 'em. SHAGGY: Like, me too. MARYJANE: Far out! I have never met another person who love Scooby Snacks! SHAGGY: Me neither! MARYJANE: I'm Maryjane. SHAGGY: Like, that is my favorite name. MARYJANE: Really? SHAGGY: Yeah. MARYJANE: No way. Fred stares with perplexity as Scooby plops down beside him. SCOOBY: Rello! Scooby hears a hiss. He notices a cat on the lap of an upper-crust co-ed across the aisle. Scooby's womanly lips curl. The cat hisses at him again, more loudly. Scooby suddenly loses it, barking at the cat. Everyone looks at the barking old lady. VELMA: Uh... Grandma? FRED: Velma, Velma. It's simple behavior modification. To cause a dog to discontinue any action, you simply flick it on the nose. Observe. Scoob? Scooby turns to Fred. Fred flicks Scooby on the nose. Scooby stares a moment. FRED (to Velma): See? Then Scooby punches Fred in the face, hard. The cat leaps out of the co-ed's arms, running down the aisle. Scooby, widly barking, gives chase. EXT. SPOOKY PLANE - DAY We hear the chase continue off-screen. SHAGGY (O.S.): Sit, Grandma! Bad Grandma! Don't eat the kitty!