The Deadwood Stage

Lyrics

[MILLER, spoken] Susan! No news of the stage yet? It's due right now.  [SUSAN, spoken] It'll be here Uncle. No need to worry.  [MILLER, spoken] Who's worried? You ever seen me worried? [COWBOY, spoken] It's the stage! The stage is comin'! [Chorus] Oh, the Deadwood Stage Is a-rollin' on oer the plains With the curtains flappin' And the driver slappin' the reins Beautiful sky, a wonderful day Whip-crack-away, whip-crack-away Whip-crack-away! Oh, the Deadwood Stage Is a-headin' on over the hills Where the Injun arrows arc a-thicker Than porcupine quills Dangerous land, no timе to delay Whip-crack-away, whip-crack-away Whip-crack-away! [MEN] They're hеadin' straight for town Loaded clown with a fancy cargo [Chorus] Cargo! [MEN] Care of Wells and Fargo, Illinois' [Chorus] Boy! Oh, the Deadwood Stage Is a-coming on over the crest Like a homin' pigeon That's a-hankerin' after its nest Twenty-three miles they've covered today Whip-crack-away, whip-crack-away Whip-crack-away! [MILLER, spoken] Well, it's here all right. Calamity's done it again.  [DOC, spoken] What'ja expect? [MILLER, spoken] That she'd mighta gotten herself into another Indian fight — and she did! That gal's never happy unless she's blasting away with a rifle in her hand.  [BILL, spoken] Quit boilin' over, Millie! Calam's never failed to bring in the stage yet - Injuns or no Injuns! [MILLER, spoken] Didn't want anything to happen to her this trip. She's got my actress aboard – I hope! [MEN] The wheels go turnin' round Homeward bound Can't cha hear 'em hummin'? [Chorus] Hummin'! [MEN] Happy times a-comin' fer to stay [Chorus] Hey! They'll be home tonight By the light of the silvery moon And their hearts a-thumpin' Like a mandolin plunkin' a tune! When they get home, they'll be fixin' to stay Whip-crack-away, whip-crack-away Whip-crack-away! Here they be! Here they be! How's about a welcome? A peaceful sort of welcome For the gang - bang! Oh, the Deadwood stage Is finally home again! [Instrumental] [MARTIN] Well, excuse my stammer if it ain't Calamity Jane! [CHRIS HEELEY] Hi-yah, Calam! Watcher bring us today? [MARTIN] New Rubber boots [CHRIS HEELEY] Ten dollar suits [PRUE] Things to crochet [CALAMITY] Beads that sparkle like a prism Snake oil fer yer rheumatism Calico and Gingham fer the girls Gum drops made up in Chicagee Gum drops just a trifle soggy And a genuine string of artificial pearls! Here's a hat from Cincinnati Same as Adelina Patti Wore in every famous concert hall Cast yer eye on Doctor Borah's Patent-pending hair-restorer Guaranteed to grow hair on a billiard ball! Introducin' Henry Miller Just as busy as fizzy sasparilla Ain't a showman any smarter Operates the Golden Garter Where the cream of Deadwood City comes to dine And I'm glad to say he's a very good friend of mine Here is Charlie from Nantucket I been told he panned for gold But never struck it! Frontier man and broncho buster Injun scout for Gen'ral Custer Back in Yellowstone in eighteen-sixty-nine But I'm glad to say he's a very good friend of mine! Hi, Joe! Say, where d'ja get them fancy clothes I know, off some feller's laundry line! Hi, Flo! Ain't you the prairie rose 'N smellin' like a watermelon vine Here's a man the sheriff watches On his gun There's more'n twenty-seven notches! On the draw there's no one faster And you're flirtin' with disaster When Bill Hickock's reputation you malign But I'm glad to say he's a very good friend Of a friend of mine! [CALAMITY & CHORUS ] (Ah...) Oh, my throat is dry As a desert thistle in May In the Golden Garter Gonna wet my whistle today Last to the bar's a three-legged crow (Three-legged crow!) Set 'em up, Joe, set 'em up, Joe Set 'em up Joe! [MILLER, BILL & CHORUS] (Set 'em up, Joe!) Drinks on the house! Drinks on the house! Name yer poison! [CALAMIT, spoken] Make mine sas'perilly! [CHORS] Set 'em up, Joe Set 'em up, Joe Set 'em up, Joe Set 'em up, Joe!