How To Make Delicious Chocolate Pudding

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I'm not talkin' 'bout the year we got the black dog The year we got the dog - it was so exciting! But it's the year after that When Chocolate Pudding's ungroomed and fat And on the wall We rotten children all Would see the inevitable writing See, Dad had lost his job He had grown ungroomed and fat Just like Chocolate Pudding had And every time he looked at Chocolate Pudding It was like the dog stabbed him with a knife "That miserable, fat, ungroomed dog is making a mockery of my life!" [Chorus] "Get him outta here!" he said, "Get him outta here! Take him back to the vets Take him back to the breeders! Please, get him outta here!" [Post-Chorus] "I don't want a dog around When your mother gets home from work tonight," he prayed But Mom never came home from work that night Dad drank himself into a stupor Conversation was always was super And the dog stayed [Verse 2] I'm not really sure this song's about the black dog 'Cause it so happened when we got the beast My family fell apart But Chocolate Pudding became our family's heart Replacing Mom Who with a killer's aplomb Had made a remarkable start See, Ma became a star Just like that Martha Stewart had On TV or in the car, Mom just appeared It was muy, mucho bizarre But we quickly regained our footing And Mom named her show - God's honest truth - "How To Make Delicious Chocolate Pudding"! [Chorus] "Get a load-a her!" Dad said "Get a load-a that! She can speak like a queen and she knows so much lingo though I know what you mean when you say that she's crass She's incredibly racked with a rack but no dingo And a wonderful girl with her nose up her ass! Boys, get a load-a that!" [Post-Chorus] Every time the dog heard Ma say "Chocolate Pudding" Her program but his name Dog would jump, he'd bark, he'd curse the dark He'd work himself into a lather Then try to regather But Ma felt no blame [Interlude] Are you bored yet? Are you bored yet? I'm just trying to keep you amused This is my stab at a nineteenth-century novella Mill on the Floss-like But I hope a best sellah Not important My inner critic decreed But my God, it's so short Plus it's easy to read! And now as I try to end this narration I see the literary train pull into an imaginary station [Verse 3] So on Christmas morn, we watched our mother on the TV Dad, it so happened, was smoking a cigar And Ma just kept on talking About "Chocolate pudding blah blah blah must bake-" Dog heard its name Mauled onto dear old Dad And Dad lit the dog on fire by mistake Yes, the dog's hair caught on fire Picture that in a frame Look how a burning Chocolate Pudding spread the flame! [Pre-Chorus] Up in flames with the sofa Curtains, adios! All our Christmas presents went up in flames Books gone, walls gone, ceilings gone And a cooked Chocolate Pudding hit the lawn! [Chorus] "Get him outta here!" Dad said "Make the dog vamoose! Have him killed at the pound Take it back to its breeders! Fools! Numbskulls! Ffffarts! Regurgitant! Get him out of here!" [Post-Chorus] "I don't want the dog around When I get home from work tonight," he prayed But Dad never came home from work that night We laughed ourselves into a stupor How we disposed of Dad was super And the dog stayed [Outro] The story, this simple bagatelle has ended And the passengers on the literary train At the imaginary station Have all descended I hope your stay here is a happy one