Self-Proclaimed Psychic

Lyrics

[Intro: Schaffer the Darklord] You're in luck! I shall accept this job Now the fee for my services will depend on which course of exorcism you pick Option A, the trial course, gets you 20% Option B, the serious course, gets you 50% And Option C, the all-out course, gets you a 99% spirit reduction 100% guaranteed, some restrictions apply That said, it's a bit difficult to completely get rid of one Have no fear, if it comes back I'll get rid of it, for 20% off [Verse 1: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist] You are standing in the presence of greatness Take a chair, I gotcha I, the world's greatest psychic, Reigen Arataka Am here to save you from your spirits and such Unbelievably powerful and just fearless enough I am idolized by espers, mocked by skeptic adults Call me a phony, a fraud all you want But check my results I cured a one-click curse with my sorcery crush Defeated a biker boss with my vanishing salt punch This is but one of my many special attacks I'm a pro at the con in confidence I'm packing in stacks And I got a secret weapon that'll solve any job A validly talented adolescent named Mob Hi And sure I overwork him and I call him an idiot But I care for the kid At least that bit is legitimate Guess my greatest gift's the difference that a mentor can make And not successfully selling suckers the oil of a snake [Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist] I'm the world's greatest psychic And I'm his sidekick Providing exorcisms at competitive prices He's a self-proclaimed genius Nary a known weakness But all of his clients find his abilities specious I'm a silver-tongued devil Are my powers not special? You'll be so crazy strong you'll melt things when you get to my level Okay, if you say so Cheeseburger tornado! I'm making a couple bucks an hour taking most of his caseload [Verse 2: LEX the Lexicon Artist] Going to school, acting a fool in front of all the girls (damn) Wanna be cool, but follow the rules, and watch my life unfurl (huh) Gotta be fit, I go to the gym, it makes me want to hurl (bleh) But I got a job and I got a boss, the best in all the world (yeah) That's right, I'm a part-time employee For a manager I find only slightly annoying I get paid minimum wage for the spirits I eradicate Some people never get that even after they graduate He validates my talent when he lets me assist Although I know my expertise is only second to his It's the outlet for my powers that I've missed And if you resist my massive psycho wave you're getting decked by his fist We're an epic team getting rid of monsters in your closet Though I wish he'd let me add an extra chashu to my ramen You can say it's unethical, what we sell is corrupt But hey, I'd rather go to work than do telepathy club [Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist] I'm the world's greatest psychic And I'm his sidekick Providing exorcisms at competitive prices He's a self-proclaimed genius Nary a known weakness But all of his clients find his abilities speechless I'm a silver-tongued devil Are my powers not special? You'll be so crazy strong you'll melt things when you get to my level Guess I'm kind of a novice Anti-esper dropkick! But watch me throw down when I walk in the office [Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord, LEX the Lexicon Artist, Schaffer the Darklord with LEX the Lexicon Artist] We're the world's best psychics The masters of mind tricks Providing exorcisms at competitive prices He's a self-proclaimed genius Nary a known weakness But all of his clients find his abilities speechless I'm a silver-tongued devil Are my powers not special? You'll be so crazy strong you'll melt things when you get to my level Okay, if you say so Cheeseburger tornado! I'm making a couple bucks an hour taking most of his caseload [Outro: LEX the Lexicon Artist] Yeah, I don't know, but I kind of think that maybe after all the work I do I deserve to add chashu to my ramen Or an egg Or extra noodles Or something I mean he's already paying for my meal And he's a professional And I'm in middle school I don't know I'm not gonna tell him Whatever It's fine