No Place Like London

Lyrics

[ANTHONY] I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders From the Dardanelles To the mountains of Peru But there's no place like London! I feel home again I could hear the city bells RIng whatever I would do No, there's no place— [TODD] No, there's no place like London [ANTHONY, spoken] Mr. Todd, sir? [TODD] You are young Life has been kind to you You will learn [TODD, spoken] So Anthony, it is here we go our separate ways Farewell I shall not soon forget the good ship Bountiful Nor the young man who saved my life [BEGGAR WOMAN] Alms! Alms! For a miserable woman On a miserable chilly morning Oh thank yer, sir, thank yer... 'Ow would you like a little squiff, dear A little jig jig A little bounce around the bush? Wouldn't you like to push me crumpet? It looks to me, dear Like you got plenty there to push Alms! Alms! For a pitiful woman Wot's got wanderin' wits— Hey, don't I know you, mister? [TODD, spoken] Must you glare at me, woman? Off with you! Off, I say! [BEGGAR WOMAN] Then 'ow would you like to fish me squiff, mister? We'll go jig jig A little— [TODD, spoken] Off, I said To the devil with you! [BEGGAR WOMAN] Alms! Alms! For a desperate woman... [ANTHONY, spoken] Pardon me, sir, but there's no need to fear the likes of her She was only a half-crazed beggar woman London's full of them [TODD] There's a hole in the world Like a great black pit And the vermin of the world Inhabit it And its morals aren't worth What a pig could spit And it goes by the name of London At the top of the hole Sit the privileged few Making mock of the vermin In the lower zoo Turning beauty into filth and greed I too Have sailed the world and seen its wonders For the cruelty of men Is as wondrous as Peru But there's no place like London!