A Little Priest

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] That's all very well But what are we going to do about the Italian? [TODD, spoken] Later on, when it's dark We'll take him out of the trunk and bury him [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Well, yes, of course, we could do that I don't suppose he's got any relatives Gonna come poking around looking for him But you know me Bright ideas just pop into my head and I keep thinking... [MRS. LOVETT] Seems a downright shame [TODD, spoken] Shame? [MRS. LOVETT] Seems an awful waste... Such a nice plump frame Wot's-his-name Has… Had… Has... Nor it can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift As a gift... If you get my drift... No? Seems an awful waste I mean With the price of meat what it is When you get it If you get it [TODD, spoken] Ha! [MRS. LOVETT] Good, you got it Take, for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better, using only pussycats and toast And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste... [TODD] Mrs. Lovett What a charming notion Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always [MRS. LOVETT] Well, it does seem a waste [TODD] Mrs. Lovett How I've lived without you all these years [MRS. LOVETT] It's an idea [TODD] I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable How choice! How rare! [MRS. LOVETT] Think about it Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be coming for a shave Won't they? Think of All them Pies! [TODD] For what's the sound of the world out there? [MRS. LOVETT] What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd What is that sound? [TODD] Those crunching noises pervading the air? [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd Yes, all around [TODD] It's man devouring man, my dear— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] And who are we to deny it in here? [TODD, spoken] Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett. And desperate measures must be taken.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Here we are now, hot out of the oven.  [TODD, spoken] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's priest Have a little priest [TODD] Is it really good? [MRS. LOVETT] Sir, it's too good, at least Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh [TODD] Awful lot of fat [MRS. LOVETT] Only where it sat [TODD] Haven't you got poet Or something like that? [MRS. LOVETT] No, you see the trouble with poet is How do you know it's Deceased? Try the priest [TODD, spoken] Mm, heavenly Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps But then not as bland as curate, either [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Good for business, too—always leaves you wanting more Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays... Lawyer's rather nice [TODD] If it's for a price [MRS. LOVETT] Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow It twice [TODD] Have you any dean? [MRS. LOVETT] No, but if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been [TODD] Is that squire On the fire? [MRS. LOVETT] Mercy no, sir Look closer You'll notice it's grocer [TODD] Looks thicker More like vicar [MRS. LOVETT] No, it has to be grocer—it's green [TODD] The history of the world, my love [MRS. LOVETT] Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors... [TODD] Is those below serving those up above [MRS. LOVETT] Everybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors... [TODD] How gratifying for once to know— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] That those above will serve those down below! [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Now let me see Ah, we've got tinker [TODD, spoken] No, no, something pinker [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Tailor? [TODD, spoken] Paler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Butler? [TODD, spoken] Subtler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Potter? [TODD, spoken] Hotter [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Locksmith? [MRS. LOVETT] Lovely bit of clerk [TODD] Maybe for a lark [MRS. LOVETT] Then again, there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark Try the financier— Peak of his career [TODD] That looks pretty rank [MRS. LOVETT] Well, he drank It's a bank Cashier Last one really sold Wasn't quite so old [TODD] Have you any beadle? [MRS. LOVETT] Next week, so I'm told Beadle isn't bad till you smell it And notice how well it's Been greased Stick to priest [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Now this might be a bit stringy But then, of course, it's fiddle player [TODD, spoken] No, this isn't fiddle player It's piccolo player [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] How can you tell? [TODD, spoken] It's piping hot [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Then blow on it first! [TODD] The history of the world, my sweet [MRS. LOVETT] Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd What does it tell? [TODD] Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat [MRS. LOVETT] And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd Who gets to sell [TODD] But fortunately, it's also clear— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] That everybody goes down well with beer [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral? [TODD, spoken] Too salty. I prefer General.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] With or without his privates? [TODD, spoken] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's fop Finest in the shop And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd On top And I've just begun Here's the politician; so oily It's served with a doily— Have one? [TODD] Put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run [MRS. LOVETT] Try the friar Fried, it's drier [TODD] No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy [MRS. LOVETT] Then actor— That's compacter [TODD] Yes, and always arrives overdone I'll come again when you Have judge on the menu Have charity towards the world, my pet [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, yes, I know, my love [TODD] We'll take the customers that we can get [MRS. LOVETT] High-born and low, my love [TODD] We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone Meaning anyone— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] And to anyone At all!