Marilyn Monroe

Lyrics

[MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] Tell me it's not true Say it's just a story [NARRATOR], spoken So, did you hear the story of the Johnstone twins? As like each other as two new pins Of one womb, born on the self same day How one was kept and one given away And did you never hear how the Johnstones died Never knowing that they shared one name 'Til the day they died when a mother cried: "My own dear sons lie slain!" And did ya never hear of the mother So cruel there's a stone in place of her heart? Then bring her on And, come, judge for yourselves How she came to play this part [MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] Once, I had a husband You know the sorta chap I met 'im at a dance And how he came on with the chat [MR JOHNSTONE, spoken] Are ya dancin'? I think you're a bleedin' cracker! [MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] He said me eyes were deep blue pools Me skin was soft as snow He told me I was sexier than Marilyn Monroe And we went dancin' We went dancin' Then, of course, I found that I was six weeks overdue [MR JOHNSTONE, spoken] What?! [MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] We got married at the registry And then we 'ad a do We 'ad curly salmon sandwiches And how the ale did flow They said the bride was lovelier than Marilyn Monroe [COMPANY] And we went dancin' We went dancin' [MRS JOHNSTONE] Then the baby came along We called him Darren Wayne [COMPANY] Aww! [MRS JOHNSTONE] Then three months on I found that I was in the club again [MR JOHNSTONE, spoken] I've married a bleedin' rabbit! [MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] And though I still fancied dancin' Me 'usband wouldn't go [MR JOHNSTONE, spoken] Get lost! [sung] [MRS JOHNSTONE] With a wife he said Was twice the size of Marilyn Monroe No more dancin' No more dancin' By the time that I was twenty-five I looked like forty-two With seven 'ungry mouths to feed And one more nearly due Me husband he walked out on me A month or two ago [MR JOHNSTONE, spoken] Ta-ra! [MRS JOHNSTONE, sung] For a girl who they say looks a bit like Marilyn Monroe And they go dancin' They go dancin' They go dancin' They go dancin'