About John

Lyrics

John Vavassour de Quentin Jones Was very fond of throwing stones At horses, people, passing trains But 'specially at window panes Like many of the upper class He loved the sound of broken glass It bucked him up and made him gay It was his favorite form of play But the amusement cost him dear My children, as you now shall hear John Vavassour de Quentin had An uncle who adored the lad And often chuckled, "Wait until You see what's left you in my will!" Nor were the words without import Because this uncle did a sort Of something in the City, which Had made him fabulously rich (Although his brother, John's papa Was poor, as many fathers are,) He had a lot of stocks and shares And half a street in Buenos Aires1 A bank in Rio, and a line Of Steamers to the Argentine And options more than I can tell And bits of Canada as well; He even had a mortgage on The House inhabited by John His will, the cause of all the fuss Was carefully indited thus : "This is the last and solemn Will Of Uncle William— known as Bill I do bequeath, devise and give By Execution Mandative The whole amount of what I've got (It comes to a tremendous lot!) In seizin to devolve upon My well-beloved nephew John Such was the Legal Instrument Expressing Uncle Bill's intent As time went on declining Health Transmogrified this Man of Wealth; And it was excellently clear That Uncle Bill's demise was near At last his sole idea of fun Was sitting snoozling in the sun So once, when he would take the air They wheeled him in his Patent Chair To where beside a little wood A long abandoned green-house stood And there he sank into a doze Of senile and inept repose But not for long his drowsy ease! A stone came whizzing through the trees And caught him smartly in the eye He woke with an appalling cry And shrieked in agonizing tones: "Oh! Lord! Whoever's throwing stones!" Miss Charming, who was standing near Said: "That was Master John, I fear!" "Go, get my Ink-pot and my Quill My Blotter and my Famous Will." Miss Charming flew as though on wings To fetch these necessary things And Uncle William ran hoes pen Through "well-beloved John," and then Proceeded, in the place of same To substitute Miss Charming's name: Who now resides in Portman Square And is accepted everywhere