I Saw a White Lady Standing on the Street Just Sobbing (And I Think About It Once a Week)

Lyrics

[ALEX J.] I saw a white lady standin' on the street just sobbin' And I think about it once a week It was two years ago Christmas time, foot of snow Passing through Union Square And I saw this crying white lady just kinda standin' there [ALEX J. (spoken)] Funny, what if instead of getting on the subway with my entire class for our field trip to look at bugs, I'd walked over [ALEX J.] I approach, she's demure She thinks "Who is this four-foot bachelor?" So my hand, I extend And say, "I'm Alex J., and you look like you need a friend Why are you crying in a public place? Perhaps a friend of yours was fake to your face Or did you just come from Trader Joe's And you paid too much for your avocados?" No Kleenex in her purse I've a handkerchief for her—of course Monogrammed, "Alex J" "Keep it, ma'am Because you're just havin' one of those days." [ALEX J. (Spoken)] I understand [ALEX J.] She takes my hand We walk uptown and dine at Au Bon Pain I talk of "Sherlock Gnomes" from beginning to end Then, suddenly, I say, "What's that sound I hear? Your lovely laugh, my dear" You've got problems and I don't wanna delve You're a grown-up and I'm barely 12 Expel your problems, I can help you with coping Look me in the eye, and the floodgates will open [ANNALEIGH ASHFORD] They're phasing out my department And I will lose my apartment My mom is no support system I like bad guys, can't resist them Forgot to DVR Drag Race My friend Alysse, fake to my face Some fraud made them freeze my AmEx And then, I ran into my ex And some days, this city and de Blasio Just make me scream "Why!?" Why not just stand here and cry? [ALEX J. (Spoken)] And also, this whole time, I'm wearing my dad's fancy scarf and my Heelys! [ALEX & ANNALEIGH ASHFORD] Her eyes glisten I don't talk, I listen Then the rain starts again We scurry down the street into another Au Bon Pain She takes my handkerchief from her purse She says, "Alex J., I feel like I'm cursed." "Lady, I know that the sky isn't clear But it cannot rain every day of the year You can't just be crying in your own narrative Because, 'We tell ourselves stories in order to live." She nods—"Joan Didion" I take her hand to Le Pain Quotidien And we talk about life and love and "Sherlock Gnomes" Until it's time to go home That's what I think would happen But it's all imagined And I will wonder 'til the end What if I hadn't walked away? Would that crying lady be my friend? [ALEX J. (Spoken)] Anyway, I remember all sorts of things. Thanks for listening. And wherever you are, lady, have a good night.