Prologue/Schlimmer!

Lyrics

[BUD, spoken] Prologue The lights rise on the squalid, stinky bedroom of a friend of Gutenberg [DOUG, spoken] The roof is made of dirty thatch! In the corner, there are rats, gnawing in stinky cheese And lying absolutely still in the center of the room... Without moving... Is a dead baby! [BUD, spoken] Gutenberg's friend and the doctor examine the dead baby [DOUG (as Doctor), spoken] Well, we did all we could I'm afraid your baby... is dead [BUD (as Gutenberg's Friend), spoken] But I gave him this medicine! [DOUG (as Doctor), spoken] Them ain't medicine Them's jelly beans [BUD (as Gutenberg's Friend), spoken] Jelly beans?! But... [DOUG (as Doctor), spoken] If only you could read... See ya [BUD (as Gutenberg's Friend)] Jelly beans, not medicine If only I could read; My son, he wouldn't need... an elegy Stupid beans! Not medicine! Oh god, here in this jar... I can't read what these are Damned jelly beans! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Hello friend Is there anything Johan Gutenberg can do? [BUD (as Gutenberg's Friend), spoken] Shut up! [DOUG, spoken] Friend of Gutenberg sobs like a woman He cradles his dead baby in his illiterate arms Blackout! Act I, Scene 1 Schlimmer, Germany A German town, full of German things Like feet and short pants Gutenberg walks down the dark streets of this medieval burg And encounters a woman and her daughter on their way to market They're carryin' kraut Sauerkraut! [BUD (as Woman #1), spoken] Oh good morning, Mr. Gutenberg! [DOUG (as Gutenberg), spoken] Call me Johan! Johan Gutenberg! [BUD (as Daughter), spoken] Hello Mr. Butengerg! [DOUG (as Gutenberg), spoken] It's Gutenberg! How are you today, little girl?! [BUD (as Daughter), spoken] As happy as I can be... considering I can't read [DOUG, spoken] Another woman throws open her shutters to greet the morning She dumps her stinky chamber pot And suddenly, the town of Schlimmer is alive Not alive like a monster But alive like a town! [BUD (as Woman #1)] It's nice to live in Medieval Germany In the beautiful town of Schlimmer! We all get along in perfect harmony! [DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer)] I'm a beef fat trimmer! [BUD (as Woman #1)] Hey! [DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer)] The beef comes in all white with fat It leaves a good bit slimmer [BOTH (as Drunk #1 and Drunk #2)] We're just drunks comin' home from the bar In the beautiful town of Schlimmer! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] Hey, Gutenberg, ya got any wine?! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] Yeah! You're the wine presser! Tell us where the wine is! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] Is it over 'ere? [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] It's not over 'ere! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Hey, hey fellas! My wine isn't the answer to all your problems! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] Oh yes it is! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] It's not like we can read! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] I can't read! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] Gutenberg, let's have some fun! [BOTH (as Drunk #1 and Drunk #2)] Gutenberg! Darn tootin'-berg He's the back chap around Well, at least in this town Sure as shootin'-berg [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Call me Johan! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] Oh, that Gutenberg! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Johan! [BUD (as Boot Plaque)] Gutenberg! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Hey, it's the boot plaque! [BUD (as Boot Plaque)] Shine your boot-enberg! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Sure boot plaque! [BUD (as Boot Plaque)] You're a man in his prime Making friends all the time No refutin'-berg (spoken) Ten ducats! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Hey hey hey! [BUD (as Boot Plaque), spoken] Oh Gutenberg, ho ho ho! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Okay now fellas I gotta be gettin' back to my wine press shop Don't you guys have anything to do? [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] No! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] It's not like we can read! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] You can't read! [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] You can't read! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] Well, wh- what are you going to... [DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken] Gah ah ah ah ah! [BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken] Oh shut up! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken] Oh, come on guys, let's not fight! Here, I'll buy you a flower from that anti-semitic flower girl! [BUD (as Flower Girl)] Here's a posey you can wear on your lapel I stole it from a Jew He cried and he fought and I sent him straight to hell So now it belongs to you! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)] Ooh, Schlimmer! My lovely Schlimmer! You are the best darn town in Germany! [BUD (as Boot Plaque)] Gutenberg! [DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer)] Gutenberg! [BUD (as Flower Girl)] Gutenberg! [BOTH (as Drunk #1 and Drunk #2)] Gutenbar-ar-ar-argh! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)] I'm the pride of Schlimmer [BUD (as Boot Plaque)] He's the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), overlapping] I'm the cremé de la creméer [BOTH (as Johan Gutenberg and Flower Girl)] He's/I'm the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)] I'm the cremé de la creméer [BUD (as Drunk #2), overlapping] He's the pride of Schlimmer! [DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)] I am- [BOTH (as All)] Gutenberg!