Bishop’s Song

Lyrics

[BISHOP, spoken] Peace be unto this house! And peace be unto all of you, my brothers and sisters Peace and harmony and abundance— [RAFFAEL, spoken] Um, I'm very sorry—Bishop, is it? [BISHOP, spoken] Yep [RAFFAEL, spoken] We were just headed to dinner [BISHOP, spoken] Okay [MARIANNE] Oh, no, no, wait, I've never met a bishop! But aren't you supposed to be clad in radiant scarlet? [BISHOP] Scarlet is higher I love your slippers, by the way Rrr rrr rrr rrr rrr Very fetching [LEO, spoken] Maybe another time, Your Holiness—? [BISHOP, spoken] This won't take a second [BISHOP] Pre-poured martinis [BISHOP, spoken] Wonderful! Please, stay near, my child This may relate to you Now, does anybody here have any Spiritual needs? Spiritual needs? Anyone? [LEO, spoken] No [BISHOP, spoken] Well, do any of you think about the Meaning of life? Meaning of life? Any of you? Good. Anybody else? Meaning of life? God? Death? Anyone for purgatory? Now those shoes are cute Are they Fendi? [RAFFAEL, spoken] Bishop—please—how can we help you? Practically [BISHOP] Well, I could use a job You could give me a job I'm a terrible priest No, I'm in the wrong job I keep spilling the wine I keep crumbling the wafers I have no charisma In the middle of Mass All I think is: My miter Should be tighter I mean, why a bishop? Why not an anarchist? Why not a bartender? I could be anything! Why a bishop? Don't get me wrong I love the Church And I don't only mean the clothes I mean the statues and the windows And the rows of yearning people And the special parking And oh, the music—! What else to call it but "divine?" And then of course, there's God Don't get me wrong I love my God Though I don't always understand Him Or agree Like, do we really need the droughts? And the floods? And the plagues? And the earthquakes? And the universal suffering and— See? Does that sound like a priest? Oh, those slippers, really fetching (Ruff) Now if I were a cook I'm not bad as a cook I could work as a cook In a nice country house— [MARIANNE, spoken] Darling? [BISHOP] —With a fabulous terrace— [LEO, spoken] We have a cook [BISHOP] Where they could use a gardener [MARIANNE, spoken] You're a gardener, too? [BISHOP] I could learn [LEO, spoken] No [BISHOP] Wouldn't anybody like to have their windows washed? [COLONEL MARTIN, spoken] No [BISHOP] Their sinks repaired? [CLAUDIA, spoken] No [BISHOP] Their faith restored? [RAFFAEL, spoken] No [BISHOP] Their lives renewed? [PAUL, spoken] No [BISHOP] Their anything anything? [COLONEL MARTIN, CLAUDI, RAFFAEL & PAUL, spoken] No! [BISHOP] All I want is a job Where I'd be of some use Where I'd know who I was Where I'd make people feel that they matter Although none of us does— In the big picture, I mean... Something different, at least God knows I'm a terrible priest And if anyone should know God knows, it's God