When You’re Right: You’re Right

Lyrics

[TESS, spoken] Gerald, I think my record speaks for itself. I think I can look back and safely say: I was right.   [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS, spoken] I was perfectly right.   [GERALD, spoken] Right.  [TESS] My instincts were valid and strong, right? [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] When you're right, you're right [GERALD, spoken] Right! [TESS] I know when I'm right Can you honestly say I was wrong? [GERALD, spoken] Right—Wrong! [TESS] I was right [GERALD, spoken] Right [TESS] That's right I was perfectly right [GERALD, spoken] Right [TESS] I was and I've been all along Right? [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] When you're right, you're right I know when I'm right It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong Right? [TESS & GERALD] That's right! [TESS, spoken] I mean, even in my personal life, I've always made the right decision. When I married Larry I was eighteen, he was twenty, we were both journalism students in Missouri and all he wantеd to be was William Allen White. I had a job at a local TV station, I was only doing thе weather, but some network executive happened to see me one night. So, I knew I had to go to New York, and Larry would be happier editing a newspaper in Colorado or somewhere, so it was time for a break. And though we both still cared for each other, he had to go his way, I had to go mine, so the split up was not a mistake! (sung) Now Larry's remarried and blissful out west And I love my career, it was all for the best! I was right! [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] I was perfectly right [GERALD, spoken] Right.  [TESS] My instincts were valid and strong, right? [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] When you're right, you're right [GERALD, spoken] Right! [TESS] I know when I'm right It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong Right? [TESS & GERALD] That's right! [TESS, spoken] Need we even mention my professional life? When I started doing hard news, those decisions weren't easy, you know. I remember interviewing Nassar and saying, "Look, Gamal, do me a favor and do not invade Israel," but no, no, he went right ahead. Then there was Ehrlichman and Haldeman, I said, "Boys, you've got to tell the truth!" What did they do? Lies, lies, every word that they said. Then Alexi Petrikov, the Russian dancer, said he was bored of the Bolshoi. I told him, "Defect!" but he was too meek! Now, a friend of mine just got back from Moscow, says he's frustrated, unhappy, and dancing Spartacus four times a week! (sung) Now, a braggart, I'm not [GERALD, spoken] Right [TESS] But doesn't it show My margin for error's exceedingly low? ...I was right! [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] I was perfectly right [GERALD, spoken] Right.  [TESS] My instincts were valid and strong, right? [GERALD, spoken] That's right! [TESS] When you're right, you're right [GERALD, spoken] Right! [TESS] I know when I'm right It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong Right? [TESS & GERALD] That's right! [TESS, spoken] Now we have the second rate cartoonist, my God, what's all the uproar about? Obviously, I made the right decision again. All I did was present a well-considered analysis of how the funnies are trashing the arts, and it sets off this ridiculous flap! So he creates me as a character in his puerile little strip, to put Klutz or whatever the hell that cat's name is on the map. Well, when I get that publicity-grabbing exploitive detestable little weasel in here, will I make him squirm. I bet I can tell you what he looks like, too! He's probably a short, Napoleonic, bald, fat, pudgy, pasty-faced worm! [GERALD, spoken] Yes, sir? [SAM, spoken] Sam Craig to see Miss Harding.  [GERALD, spoken] Miss Harding? Mr. Sam Craig is here.  [TESS, spoken] Wonderful. Please send Mr. Sam Craig in.  (sung) There's only one way to treat vermin like that I'll show him what cats are That beady-eyed ra— (spoken) Mr. Craig? [SAM, spoken] Now, look, Miss Harding— [TESS, spoken] Mr. Craig. Before you say anything, let me tell you something straight out: (sung) I was wrong That's right I was totally wrong! [GERALD, spoken] No! [TESS] And not to confess would be small! That's right, when you're wrong, you're wrong I know when I'm wrong And you're not what I pictured at all [SAM, spoken] What? [TESS] Right, I was bad That's right And I must've been mad But my bark is much worse than my bite [SAM] Is that right? [TESS] So, let's cool it, let's I acknowledge my debts I know... Can I buy you dinner tonight? [SAM] Alright [TESS] Terrific, what are we waiting for? [GERALD, spoken] Uh, Miss Harding, you're not actually leaving now, are you? [TESS, spoken] That's right! [GERALD, spoken] But it's only five o'clock! [TESS, spoken] Right! [GERALD, spoken] And you haven't answered any of your calls yet! [TESS, spoken] That's right! [GERALD, spoken] And the senator called, and Cardinal Cooke, and James Beard, and Irving Lazar, and Kurt Waldheim [TESS, spoken] Right! [GERALD, spoken] And you're going without answering any of them? [TESS, spoken] Goodnight, Gerald.  [GERALD, spoken] Uh, Mr. Craig, I appeal to you, sir. You will have her back within the hour, right? [SAM, spoken] Wrong.  [GERALD, spoken] Wrong? (sung) Wrong!