The Grass is Always Greener

Lyrics

[JAN, spoken] What can I tell you? You're Tess Harding, for god's sakes I've never done anything really important in my life the way you have [JAN] I'll bet your friends are all celebrities That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You can make a pot roast That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? First, you brown an onion Is your picture up at Sardi's? That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You can clean an oven That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? First, you get the EZ off [TESS & JAN] Ah, the grass is always greener On somebody else's estate Ah, the meat is always leanеr On somebody else's dinnеr plate [TESS] But you can sew a button on That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? Bet you've been to discos That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? First, you take a valium I can see you planning picnics That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? Eating at the White House That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? First, they pass the Jelly Beans [TESS & JAN] Ah, the grass is always greener On somebody else's front lawn Ah, somebody else's wiener Always has a lot more relish on [JAN] You saved the whales in Newfoundland That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You can run a household That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? First, you have a breakdown You're always in the magazines That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You can hold a husband That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? There's more to life than husbands [TESS] I could use a husband [JAN] You can have my husband [TESS] I've already had your husband [TESS & JAN] Ah, it makes you kinda teary Ah, think about it, deary The grass is always greener In someone else's yard It's hard [JAN] I'll bet you always ride in limousines That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You have time for luncheons That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? First, you sell the Tupperware The public wants your autograph That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? You raised a teenage daughter That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? First, you find her diaphragm [TESS & JAN] Ah, the grass is always greener Where some other tenant pays rent Ah, the teeth are always cleaner In somebody else's Polident [TESS] Do you know who your neighbors are? That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? You know Rona Barrett That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? First, you keep your mouth shut Bet you squeeze the Charmin That's wonderful [JAN] What's so wonderful? You can make a headline That's wonderful [TESS] What's so wonderful? I'd rather make a pot roast [JAN] So go and brown an onion [TESS] And have some peace and quiet [JAN] You've already had my husband [TESS & JAN] Ah, everyone's a victim Of this ducky little dictum The grass is always greener In someone else's yard It's hard