Lyrics

There's a place where you don't want to be Where people die constantly And they never die in normal ways It's preposterous But still cliche When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel by chopping off her head with a scythe in the pool Well their not saying it makes sense They're just interpreting the evidence This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes Will come back cause you know he did it They're not even trying any more And i'm getting bored There's semen all over the crime scene So they use the super fancy semen testing machine And the DNA database gets a hit But it looks like he might still get away with it But the final piece of evidence totally stumps the bad guy's defence and he breaks down in front of everyone and tells them exactly how it was done This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes Will come back cause you know he did it They're not even trying any more And I'm getting bored By the middle of the first season murder is eclipsed by sexual tension And I guess that probably happens a lot Since crime fighting people are always so hot But then the serial killer kidnaps the girl and they promise to save her if it costs them the world And they find her two seconds before she dies And they hug And they laugh And they screw And they cry This is the plot to every television crime show from CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store That guy we met in the first fifteen minutes Will come back cause you know he did it They're not even trying any more And I'm getting bored