Jamie’s Petting Zoo

Lyrics

[Verse] I've had my pet Since I was nine years old I loved him and fed him Kept him out of the cold But one day he attacked I knew he didn't love me back So I grabbed him like a football And punted fifty yards [Chorus] Now I hate pets Take yourself to the vet Now I hate pets Dolphins trapped in little nets Now I hate pets You little fucking Screaming shit-bag I should of let your mother Eat you, little fucker [Verse] So I got a little birdy And I trained it everyday He knew 1000 words But then he flew away But then I got him back The fucker wouldn't shut his trap So I took him to the bathroom And rubbed his beak in shit [Chorus] Now I hate pets Spotted owls in their nests Now I hate pets Bagged a deer and made a vest Now I hate pets Birds and bees and bears and bison Pigs and parrots and pandas I fucking hate them all! I was walking through the park As a snake peeped from his hole A perfect opportunity To take the bastard home I chopped his fucking head off With my handy garden hoe And made a lovely hat-band For my redneck cousin Bo, Yeee-haaw! [Chorus] Now I hate pets 10,000 volts to the chest Now I hate pets Fed my cat some cigarettes Now I hate pets You little fucking Screaming shit-bag Bastard Fuck you, you Fucking pig-shit licker Fuck