Don’t Know How To Be

Song Meaning

The lyrics open with a stark confession: "It's all too clear now." The speaker admits to a pattern of constant evasion, "running away" almost every day. This immediate clarity, however, is tinged with a profound sense of loss. Without another person, the narrator declares, "I don't know how to be." A central tension emerges between a newfound, painful clarity and the speaker's past actions. The narrator describes seeing "colors / That I never seen," specifically noting "the reddest of them all" now "vibrant out of me." This imagery suggests a raw, exposed emotional state, perhaps shame or anger, now vividly apparent. This realization is directly tied to a relationship where the speaker admits, "I let you take me down," yet later acknowledges their own complicity. The lyrics skillfully pivot from a sense of victimhood to a stark self-reckoning. Initially, the speaker describes being brought to "the lowest of the low" by another person. Yet, a crucial shift occurs with the line, "Now I see scars I willingly made." This admission of complicity — "I facilitated one need" — transforms the narrative from external blame to internal accountability. The repetition of "What was I thinking?" at the close underscores this agonizing self-interrogation. These lyrics effectively capture the disorienting shock of a profound realization. The raw honesty of admitting to "running away" and then seeing "scars I willingly made" creates a visceral sense of regret. The final, desperate plea, "What the hell was I thinking?" resonates deeply, articulating the universal anguish of looking back at self-sabotage with incredulous disbelief. The emotional impact stems from this unflinching confrontation with one's own role in a painful downfall.