Lyrics

I was only a kid when it happened One day, during kindergarten, I was feeling unusually tired, so I went to talk to my teacher about what I should do She told me to lay my head down on the desk and maybe take a little nap I was already sick with strep throat but had insisted on going to school that day anyways Even as a kindergartener, I didn't know how to quit Anyways, I rested my head on my backpack and slowly fell asleep The next few hours are hazy I slip in and out of consciousness, never remembering what happens on the way over Next thing I know, I'm in a hospital I need two shots to the leg and to stay home for a few days When I ask what happened, they tell me I had a febrile seizure during class They still don't know exactly why it happened And so life continued on I forgot about the seizure and everything it had done It's probably the reason I had no friends in Elementary school "Oh no, don't play with them, they've got brain problems." Regardless, I did decent in school, made it through class, et cetera Stopped believing in a God who never answered Three years pass. I don't change that much I get strep again and my mom makes sure that I stay home Then one night, I have a high fever. Higher than my mom's ever seen before, and she's a nurse Later that night, it happens again This time, when I wake up, my tongue hurts This time, when I wake up, I get a bottle of pills This time, when I wake up, it turns out I have a benign cyst on the right side of my brain This time, when I wake up, something's different This time, when I wake up, I have a diagnosis A seizure disorder Until that point I didn't know there was anything wrong with me Everything will be alright in the end Because it has to About two years later, I move from South Florida to Washington state A year after that, I stop taking the meds because they aren't doing anything now A few years later, I realize that I'm not straight A few more years later, I realize I'm not cisgender either Some months after that, I start taking antidepressants I start to heal I look back and I see the person I used to be And I think to myself; that's not me Those memories, that place - that's not me I am not that person I was never that person I cry a lot more now I think it helps This isn't the end Unless you want it to be Unless you give up So don't give up